All We Are
by Autumn Dae
Summary: Ziva stood silently, her eyes moving from object to object, face to face, until they finally and unwillingly landed on the bed. Tony. Ziva’s eyes welled as she looked over the burnt body lying there. He couldn’t be dead. He couldn’t be gone. TIVA.
1. Singed

**All We Are**

**By AutumnGray**

**Author's Note: I began the first several paragraphs about a month ago, but then got distracted by Here I Lay. This week I picked it up again and won't stop 'till it's finished. I think this one will be my best yet. It's gonna have some action, romance, tears, investigating, and head-slaps, so stay tuned for quite a ride. But please, review! Tell me your thoughts. I want to know. It takes only a few seconds.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or its characters and such.**

**Enjoy…**

Tony was stunned. After going through a week of hell on earth, what with being at fault for Jenny's death, he was now losing the rest of his family too. Punished. He knew in ever fiber of his being how much he deserved it, and more. But a part of him ached from somewhere deep inside him—the constant reminder of what he couldn't have anymore.

It was hard enough being away from NCIS those four months. Nonetheless, he kept in contact with Abby and the rest of the team. Well, almost.

Every other minute of his days spent aboard the _Reagan_ and _Seahawk_, Tony thought about calling her. He wanted to. Sometimes he would even begin to dial her number or type in her email address, but there was always something holding him back. Each and every day he stared at her photos. Most of the guys aboard the ship who saw them drooled. The old Tony would have. But when he looked at those pictures, he thought only of her smile… of her crazy ninja skills… of the way she would gaze at him when she thought he wouldn't notice… and the way he gazed back. It was during those four months he realized just how much he loved her. He couldn't live without her. And now he'd never see her again…

Tony's eyes shot open in his bed. He had been having that dream again. Or rather, nightmare. It seemed to repeat itself once a week since the team was split last summer, and they were now becoming more frequent. This nightmare wasn't like any of the horror films he had seen. Yet it was filled the most terrifying thing—the idea of losing her again. In his dreams, Tony dreamed that she left for some guy in Israel, never to come back. He dreamed that she forgot about him. He dreamed of slumping back to Jeanne. He dreamed of losing it… even more.

Ziva slowed to a walk that morning. No one was around in the park she was running through. It was foggy, the air full of mist. Her thoughts drifted to Tony. _No,_ she thought. _I cannot think about him._

She wasn't sure when the first time she realized she loved him. The idea had been posed a number of times over the past three and a half years. Maybe it was when Jeanne first began calling him at work. Watching him walk away from her with Jeanne on the phone time after time… Or perhaps it was when he was nearly killed by the bomb in his car, and she had to watch it explode, not knowing for hours whether it was him in the drivers' seat or not. Ziva wasn't sure if she'd ever really know.

Despite what she said, Tony was right; it was inevitable. The attraction had been there from the beginning. But somehow it grew from such petty conversations and joking to really caring and then eventually, to love.

She had changed when Tony and the rest of the team came into her life. They taught her how to laugh, how to enjoy life, to investigate, and how to love. They were the world to her. Things with her father had never been easy, and he was the only family she had left. Over the years she built up a nearly impenetrable wall around her heart. When she came to NCIS, it began to melt like ice over a flame.

Ziva walked over to a bench. Normally she wouldn't stop. But today… today was different, and she couldn't understand why.

Ziva stared at the scene in front of her. The apartment was covered in black, dripping wet from top to bottom. Remnants of smoke filled the air. She could hear the flashing of a camera coming from the back room. Ziva closed her eyes in pain. She couldn't go back there. Remains of what had been a wide screen TV lay on the ground before her, and a skeleton of a couch in front of it. Beneath the smoky stench, the air smelled faintly a plastic, likely from the melted, burnt, and crisped DVD cases that were in a heap throughout the apartment, having been knocked over. Ziva smiled weakly to herself, her heart aching with a pain that matched any injury she'd had before. Her stomach churned in such a fashion she never thought it could.

Ziva tried to will herself to move, but her legs couldn't get past the door. Police, NCIS, firemen, and paramedics swarmed around her. An EMT walked past her, talking with a fireman. They lowered their voice when they saw her, and the EMT gave her a sympathetic look. Ziva hardly noticed.

"Ziva," a familiar voice sounded. He sounded far away. "Ziva," he tried again, bringing her back.

"Tim," was all she managed to say as he came to face with her. His eyes were sad, but a brave and yet confused expression filled her face.

"Ziva, we need you back there," he said softly. He put a comforting hand on the shoulder of his surrogate sister.

"I… " Ziva tried to say.

"Ziver," a soft voice called out.

"Gibbs," Ziva looked up at the older man. His face wore an expression she had seen the last time they had met under such terrible circumstances: courage covering defeat. "Is he…"

"He's back there. He would want you working on this," Gibbs encouraged quietly. He had never seen her in such pain, not even the first time this had happened.

Ziva nodded as Gibbs put an arm around her shoulders, leading her to the back of the apartment. When she stepped into the bedroom, all voices ceased. Everyone stared at her, waiting in reverence. Ducky stood by the bed, Palmer behind him. For once Palmer said nothing as he looked down.

Ziva stood silently, her eyes moving from object to object, face to face, until they finally and unwillingly landed on the bed. _Tony_. Ziva's eyes welled as she looked over the burnt body lying there. He couldn't be dead. He couldn't be gone.

"Is it..." Ziva began. She couldn't finish her sentence, for fear she might burst into tears. She had to stay strong. But how could she?

"I believe so," Ducky replied solemnly. Ziva bit her lip, but she couldn't hold it in any longer. A small cry escaped and she covered her mouth. Gibbs pulled her into a tight embrace as sobs racked her body. This couldn't be possible. Not again. She wasn't strong enough.

"Ducky, is it possible that it's not him? It wasn't him last time," Tim asked in a low voice, referring the last time Tony had died. Or rather, the last time they thought he had.

The medical examiner shook his head slightly. "Possible, yes. Probable…" he didn't finish his sentence. "I'll know more when I do the autopsy,"

"Top priority, Duck," Gibbs reminded as he held the young woman in his arms. Her sobbing had slowed, but she was still crying. His team had never been so out of sorts. McGee was a mature leader. Ziva was broken in tears. Tony was…

"Of course, Jethro. No need to ask," Ducky nodded understandingly.

"This cannot be," Ziva said through her tears as she pulled back a little to look at the scene again.

"He already avoided death by fire once. The odds this _isn't_ him aren't very good," Palmer piped up. Gibbs, Tim, Ducky, and Ziva all stared at him, mouths slightly open in shock. "Not that I want him to be dead," Palmer stuttered. "It's just…" Gibbs cocked his head warningly. "Sorry," he said, returning to the task at him.

"Was it an accident?" Ziva asked after a moment.

"I don't know yet. Once we process the evidence we'll be sure, but it looks like…" Tim sighed. "There are some distinctive burn patterns moving from the bed leading out of the apartment, and it appears the bed was also the sight ignition. There is some evidence of gasoline,"

"Murder?" Ziva asked straightforwardly.

"We don't know yet, Ziva,"

"Is there anything you do know, McGee? Anything at all?" Ziva pulled away completely from Gibbs in her anger. Tim sighed. He knew it wasn't personal. Her connection to Tony had been evident from the start. The attraction was mutual, and the flirtation had become an Olympic sport since the first word. But over time, it grew, but it never got to blossom. And now it never would.


	2. Can You Remember

**A/N: So thanks for the reviews and alerts and favorites yesterday! I really appreciate it. Unfortunately for Tony, things are about to get worse.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing has changed since yesterday. I still don't own NCIS, much to my dismay.**

Ziva sat at her desk, closing her eyes in pain. Images from that morning were filling her mind. Everything around her reminded her of him. She couldn't hardly bear to look at his desk. She wanted nothing but to see him sitting there, or to feel a crumpled ball of paper hit her head, followed by a small laugh.

The air seemed to be crushing her as she put her head in her hands, her dark brown curls cascading around her. No one had said a word to her since she had walked into the building, because everyone knew. She heard whispers and felt the stares from the others in the squadroom, from those who she walked by. They were all saying the same thing, "That poor, poor girl," She hated the pity, the whispers. Had she been that obvious? That stupid? That in love?

The first time she thought he did had been terrible. Back then, he had a girlfriend. Jeanne. Ziva hated her; Jeanne had taken her chance, and when they finally had another, he was gone. Being there at the apartment this morning was like going through it again, having a very bad case of de ja vu.

"Ziva," Gibbs said quietly as he stood before her desk. Ziva looked up; her eyes were vacant and red. "You don't need to be here right now,"

Ziva shook her head and sat back up. She began typing wildly on her computer. "You were right. He would want me to work this," She said, determined. Suddenly, she stopped without looking up. "Gibbs, does Ducky…"

"He's not finished yet,"

"All he has to do is check the lungs, right?" Ziva said, standing.

Gibbs sighed. "The body is too damaged to tell," Ziva looked down.

"Why didn't the fire department get to him in time? Why couldn't they save him?"

Gibbs shook his head. "I don't know,"

"It's not fair," Ziva said bitterly. "He didn't have to die. He didn't have to die," She said more softly, staring at his desk for the first time out of the corner of his eye.

"Gibbs," Abby said as Jethro walked into her lab. Her make-up was smudged and her pigtails were messy. Abby wasn't sure what to say. She wasn't sure how to deal with this. The first time, it had been so easy to believe that he was alive, but now things weren't looking up. "I don't have any answers yet. I just got the evidence logged, but I'll start soon. I'll find out why," She said as her voice cracked ever so slightly. "How's Ziva?" Abby asked, turning back to her computer.

"She's working the case,"

"She shouldn't be," Abby said quietly. "She loved him, you know. Everyone could see it,"

"Yeah," Gibbs said. "I know,"

Abby looked at him. "He loved her too. He just never told her,"

"I know," For some reason, Gibbs couldn't help but feel guilty. Maybe if he hadn't put so much emphasis on rule twelve, Ziva wouldn't hurt so much. Maybe things would be different.

"Have they learned nothing? They risk their lives every day. You don't know what's gonna happen. You can't wait to tell people these things because maybe one day they'll be gone and you'll never get the chance. Then you'll live your live always wondering, 'What if?' and you never live again. Not really, anyway," Abby finally finished. Gibbs put his arm around her, and they just stood in her lab silently for some time. No words were needed.

Ziva walked out of the elevator. She stood in front of the autopsy doors for what seemed like years. She wasn't sure if she could handle seeing him again. Not like this. She remembered a conversation they once had about Jenny and Gibbs in that very room.

"_She died alone," Tony said thoughtfully as he held the glass in his hand._

"_We are all alone,"_

"_Yeah thanks for that. I just mean she never got married, never had any children; never even heard her talk about it… Paris," He looked at her, and for a moment their eyes met before he looked off again. "That's when it must have happened,"_

"_The two of them alone, in another world,"_

"_Putting their lives in each other's hands every day," He was looking at her again, but she wouldn't look back._

"_Not to mention the long nights,"_

"_It was inevitable,"_

"_Nothing is inevitable," She finally met his eyes._

Tony had died alone. Just like Jenny. Everything he never wanted. It wasn't right. He was young; he had his whole life ahead of him, and it was stolen away from them. Whoever did this would pay. Ziva would make sure of it.

Finally, Ziva walked into the room. Immediately Ducky began chattering on about polo or cricket or something to Palmer, who all but ran out of the room when he saw her enter.

"You do not need to pretend that you did not see me,"

Ducky gave her a small, sympathetic smile. The work stations were cleared, and he was dressed in his usual attire, complete with a bow tie. But today his eyes were sad, and he didn't say as much.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Ducky asked, though he knew what she wanted to know. He began to reach for the autopsy report before she answered.

"Was it him?"

"I'm afraid the body was far too damaged to determine using the lungs or blood type, even DNA. Abigail is working on dental records though," Ziva nodded in understanding.

"Did he suffer?"

"We found traces of sleeping pills in his system. It is unlikely," Ducky paused. "How long?" Ziva's face turned to a confused expression.

She opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone before she could say a word.

"David,"

"Officer David, Director Vance will see you in his office now," Cynthia said.

"Your team is off the case," Vance said as he stood behind his desk. Gibbs, McGee, and Ziva all stood before him, unsure of how to respond.

"Care to explain, _Leon_?"

"Your team has a personal bias. It could interfere with your investigation," No one dared to challenge this statement. They all knew it was true.

"I expect to see the files then," Gibbs said. The anger and frustration was evident in his voice, but he didn't blink.

"We'll see," Vance said, giving Gibbs a familiar look of warning. "I'm giving it to Agent Keller's team,"

"Keller is weak. He'll never find out the truth. He'll throw it in with the cold cases as soon as it's in his hands!" Gibbs fired. McGee looked over at Ziva, who was standing silently near the door. Vance ignored this objection as his eyes moved to the Mossad officer.

"Officer David," Ziva looked over at him, swallowing, preparing herself for whatever he had to throw at her. She put up her defenses, ready for action. Vance wasn't sure what to say. This was no time to say, "I told you so," but she didn't want his sympathy either. "My condolences to the whole team. This agency will not be the same without Agent DiNozzo,"

_That is all he has to say?_ Ziva thought, bewildered. "Thank you, sir,"

"You can all take off two weeks if you'd like, and I'll be hiring a grief counselor," Gibbs stared Leon in the eye. "But I suspect none of you will be taking up either offer,"

Gibbs shrugged a little and began to walk out of the office. His team, or what was left of it, followed loyally, though slowly. Something was wrong.


	3. It's Too Much

**A/N: Hey again. You are all so fabulous for the niceness, so thank you. And just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, go on. Read. Cry. Review. I know it's shorter, but I think I'll update again later.**

**Question: What do you want to see? What scenarios, emotions, thoughts?**

* * *

"Ziva," Abby said as the young woman walked into the lab. Ziva looked around. She looked lost; her eyes were distant, like she was remembering something. Abby walked over to Ziva, embracing her. "It's going to be okay. We're going to figure this out,"

Ziva nodded. "Thank you, Abby," She sounded stronger than she felt. She took a deep breath as she stepped out of the embrace. "The dental records?"

"Yeah, the results should be in soon. It took awhile this time," Abby said, turning to her monitor. Before she knew it, a message box popped up: _Delete?_ "No, no, no, no, no," Abby said, typing quickly.

Suddenly the lights began to go in and out before turning off completely, and the computer which Abby had just been working on followed in suit. Smoke poured out of it angrily and sounds of miniature lightning began to erupt. A small flame broke out on the computer.

Ziva grabbed Abby and pulled her to the ground, and they began to crawl out of the lab. "Come on, Abby," Ziva cried as she pulled her out the door and sounded the fire alarm. It immediately began to wail and the sprinklers activated.

"Abby! Ziva!" Gibbs called, as he ran into the hallway where they were. He grabbed their wrists, pulling them further down the hall to safety.

"There's a fire in my lab, Gibbs!" Abby said through the alarm.

"Do you know what caused it?" Ducky asked. Ziva and Abby sat on one of his tables in autopsy. The fire department had arrived quickly, but Abby's computer was completely dead.

"There was some sort of surge that cause the computers to, well, freak and overload and kill the system. We're just lucky it didn't kill the rest of the computers in the building. I just happened to be using most of the power,"

"And you're sure they're alright, Duck?" Jethro asked the doctor.

"Yes, they're fine. Just a little smoke inhalation, resulting in light headedness. They'll be fine,"

"I have had too much smoke today," Ziva said as she got up, leaving the room. Abby looked to Gibbs.

"When do you think she'll be okay? I mean, I know it hasn't even been a day… Oh no," Abby said. "The dental records. Something happened and it asked me if I wanted to delete… Oh no,"

"Abs, what does this mean?" Jethro stepped forward.

"We may have just lost our last chance to prove that it wasn't Tony," Abby said, dazed. "I am so sorry," she said, regret and frustration clear in her voice.

"It's not your fault," Gibbs assured her.

Ziva stumbled into her apartment that night. She usually loved her peaceful apartment building, but tonight it was too quiet. Ziva looked around for a moment, unsure of what to do now. It was late, and though all she wanted to do was sleep and get away from it all, she wasn't tired.

She walked into her kitchen, almost turning on the teapot to boil some hot water for tea. Instead, Ziva prepared coffee in her often unused coffee maker. While it was working, she walked into her bedroom. She opened up her closet. She needed to get out of these clothes. They smelled too much like smoke. She walked her fingers through the few hangers that were inside, landing on the green dress she had worn on the first undercover mission she and Tony had been on. Ziva pulled it on and walked back out into the kitchen to get her coffee. She brought it to her nose. It smelled a little like him.

Ziva walked over to her TV slowly. It had taken him several months, but he had finally convinced her to buy a TV. The summer Gibbs was gone he came over often. They'd watch movies. Laugh. Eat. Have a little wine. It was comfortable.

_That was when I fell in love_, Ziva realized. She had been attracted to him for so long, and they were friends. But that summer, everything changed. And as time went on, they both changed too. Tony became the man she knew he could be: strong, intelligent, mature, caring. And somehow, along the way, she fell in love with this man.

He had a way of irritating her like no one else could. He knew which buttons to push. He knew how to make her smile, make her laugh. He dared to pick fights with her, to challenge her. And though sometimes he could be, well, annoying, fighting with him was the best thing that had ever happened to her. _I would give anything to fight with him again. I'd give anything to see his smile. To say goodbye._

Ziva was launched out of her thoughts at the startling sound of the movie she had put in. It was a classic, one Tony would have probably watched twenty times… this year. As she watched, Ziva made connections to the references he had made over the years. She gave a small smile, just a little one, as she thought back to when things were good. Before Jenny died. Before Jeanne. Things were comfortable, things were right. She didn't worry about his health, his whereabouts, his "dentist" appointments, his drinking. Everything was as it should be.

But those days hadn't lasted long.


	4. It Won't

Ziva stood before the dark cherry coffin. The guests had already left, but Ziva couldn't bring herself to leave. Gibbs and McGee stood several feet away, patiently waiting for her. They understood. They always did.

Ziva wasn't sure how long she stared at it. It was one he would have approved of—classic, elegant, manly. Roses graced the top where guests had left them solemnly. The morning had been glorious, the sun shining brightly through the small, cool breeze which soft, wispy clouds in the sky. The service had been beautiful and simple.

In her hand she gripped a lily of the valley, like one she would have had in Israel. Finally, she carefully placed it on the casket. It stood out from the rest of the flowers, just like her. It was almost like sending him a message. Tony would have smiled if he could see it. She was out of tears, but her heart ached with a pain she'd never known.

McGee stood with Gibbs silently as they watched the young woman say goodbye. "She's lost a lot," Gibbs commented quietly. "Too much,"

The days seemed to pass slowly now. The squadroom was quieter. Another agent had joined the team, and McGee was now Senior Special Agent. He did the job well, but both he and Ziva knew it just wasn't the same. Every day they would ask Gibbs for an update on Tony's case, and every day they were disappointed to find that there was none to give. People stopped giving condolences, though sometimes Ziva could feel them watching her as she walked by.

Tony's desk remained unoccupied, and his belongings, all that was left of him, stayed in their places, from his Mighty Mouse stapler to the copies of paperwork on his desk. The new agent, Agent John Jennings, was given the cubicle at the far end of the bullpen. As a Probie, he didn't really seem to mind, but he didn't understand why they wouldn't clean off DiNozzo's desk and give it to McGee. McGee didn't even seem to care, and now and then he saw the other members of the team gazing at it, even if for a moment.

For the first couple of months, Gibbs caught himself from calling Tony's name to give him instructions, but after awhile, he appeared to grow used to Tony's absence, but Ziva and McGee knew that wasn't true.

But even Vance seemed to no longer the agency's best man. Everyone was moving on except for the team. They continued to solve high profile cases as they did before. Jennings was capable and competent; a quick learner. He was quiet but a hard worker and excellent investigator. But things weren't the same.

Ziva sat in the break room. A book was open in her hands, and some fruit in a small bowl was before her, forgotten.

"Hey," Tim said as he walked into the room. The day was an especially slow and they had been working through piles of paperwork for hours. They were now taking a break for lunch, but Ziva wasn't very hungry.

"Hello," Ziva said with a small smile. It quickly disappeared as her eyes turned to the vending machine. She sat there silently remembering a conversation she and Tony had once had about soulmates. He didn't get it, and she told him so. All those years of hinting at him, trying to tell him… It hadn't worked, and now it was too late. Tears stung her eyes but she quickly blinked them away.

Tim saw her staring at it. He saw the glimmer in her chocolate brown eyes. "Ziva, it's going to be okay,"

She was quiet for a moment before turning to him. "Is it?"

"I'm sorry,"

"He was _murdered_, McGee. That is not okay. We could know who did it long ago. And since when does Gibbs follow Vance's instructions not to investigate? Especially when it concerns a team member?"

"I don't know, Ziva. We've all changed,"

"I am not sure I like this change,"

"No one does,"

"Everyone seems to be fine with it. It is like he never existed. There's only a few people who even remember him now,"

"You have to move on. We all do,"

"It does not mean we have to forget,"

"Listen, Ziva, I know you cared about him. We all did,"

Ziva looked down. "I didn't just care about him," she closed her eyes. "I loved him," Her voice was barely a whisper.

McGee sighed. His suspicions had finally been confirmed, after all those years. "That's what I thought,"

"And now he is dead. Just like everyone else I love,"

"What about the rest of us? We're still alive, we're still here. You can't forget about the living either, Ziva,"

That was a shot to the heart. "You are right. I am sorry," Ziva apologized.

"You don't need to apologize,"

"But you just said… You are right. It is a sign of weakness, yes?"

"Not this time," He sighed again. "Not this time."

Jethro walked down the familiar steps of his basement. The scent of sawdust filled the air, and something else, something sweet. He would have reached for his gun if he hadn't recognized the perfume.

"Hello, Gibbs," Ziva said, turning on the light in the corner. She was sitting on an old barstool, knife in her hands, mindlessly turning it.

"Ziver," He said. He walked over to her.

"Why have we not investigated it?" Ziva didn't need to say what _it_ was. Gibbs would know.

"Vance,"

"And since when do you follow Vance's orders?" He chuckled, ever so slightly as he poured himself a glass, well, jar of bourbon. "He was murdered and you haven't even _looked into_ the case files. It is like everyone is trying to forget him,"

"Why would we do that?"

Ziva shrugged. "You tell me," Gibbs just stared at her, not answering. She was quiet for a few more minutes. "For months, everyone has been telling me, 'It will be okay.' But you haven't. Why not?"

Now it was Gibbs' turn to shrug. "Because it won't," Ziva looked at him. "You'll live the rest of your life waiting for the day when you wake up and it _is_ okay. You'll live every moment with that ache inside. It's not gonna change,"

Ziva nodded. "Figures," She said quietly.

"That doesn't mean you'll never be happy again. Never find… love,"

She looked at him again, confused. "How…?"

"You can't honestly tell me that it wasn't obvious because it was. Now more than ever," He said as he picked up a piece of sandpaper. He walked over to his unfinished boat and began to work. He picked up a second piece and offered it to her. Ziva stood and took it, following in suit.

"I suppose you are right… He drove me crazy," She said with a small laugh.

"DiNozzo had a talent for that,"

"He had talent in a lot of things,"

"He was a heck of an investigator, I'll give him that," Gibbs commented.

"After the first time he died, well, when we thought he did, I had nightmare for weeks. Nightmares about him actually being in the car, dying," Ziva shook her head. "And now I get to live through that nightmare again, every day,"


	5. Down This Road

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. I know my story is kind of a downer right now, but stick with me, it'll be worth it, I promise. Today's chapter is really short, but it's almost tomorrow and tomorrow I'll post a nice fat one that you will LOVE. You'll die. You'll shout. Confetti may be retrieved… But don't get your hopes up just yet. Now go on, read and review.**

McGee slammed his phone down. "That is the _third_ call I got in the last hour, asking about you Ziva. They sounded like threats. Prank calls, probably,"

"You going to file a report?"

He sighed. "If he calls again,"

"It is a man, then?"

"Yeah,"

"What would a grown man be doing making prank calls?"

"Maybe he's drunk," McGee suggested with a smile, and Ziva laughed a little. "I'll trace the next one, give him a taste of his own medicine,"

"I have the report you asked for, Agent McGee," Jennings said, handing him a file. "But why'd you want the hard copy pulled?"

McGee opened up the folder. "Thanks, Probie," He said, ignoring his question.

"What is that?" Ziva asked curiously.

"Oh, it's nothing," McGee said as he flipped through it intently.

"You are lying," Ziva said suspiciously.

"I am not!" he defended himself. Ziva stared him down and he sighed. She walked over to him, peering over his shoulder.

"Tony's file,"

"Just checking out something. The cold case department can always use a fresh pair of eyes,"

Ziva didn't bother objecting. "What is it you are looking for?"

"Gasoline. We found traces of it on the exterior door handle of the apartment, and it was used to start the fire. It had been poured everywhere,"

"So?" Ziva said.

"So, I'm checking to see if there was a report on the type of gasoline. Abby checked through it, but I couldn't find it on the computer, and she swears she sent it back to Keller's team. It could have gotten lost in the system," McGee was nearing the last few pages of the report. "It's not here," he said with a sigh.

"I'll call Keller," Ziva said. A few minutes later, she hung up the phone. "Keller sent the report to Vance,"

"That doesn't make sense,"

"Nothing does," she agreed quietly. Suddenly Tim's phone rang.

"Agent McGee," He answered as he turned it on speakerphone, typing furiously to begin the trace. It was low enough not to raise suspicion from the other agents around them, thankfully.

"Where is Ziva David?" The voice was gravelly and deep. Ziva walked over to McGee

"I can give her a message if you'll give me a name and number," Tim offered as he tried to stall long enough to complete the trace.

"That's not what I asked for. I asked you to tell me where she is,"

"Uh… where do _you_ think she is?"

"Right… here," He said. Immediately the piercing sound of bullets and breaking glass filled the air. A chorus of screams followed as both agents and civilians ducked for cover. McGee raised his gun, searching for any sign of the shooter.

"McGee!" Jethro called as he raced into the squadroom, his gun raised and ready to fire.

"Boss," Came his reply. It was silent now. "Where's Ziva?" McGee looked to Gibbs who was staring at something behind him. Looking down, McGee saw what it was. Ziva lay on the floor, blood spilling from beneath her. A crisp, bloody bullet hole was visible on her shirt, having penetrated her chest.


	6. Don't Forget Me

**A/N: Hey guys. This chapter is gonna rock your world, and Ziva's.**

**Did you hear the latest spoilers? Daaaaang. I'm not sure what to think! I'm so confused and excited, but like others, I don't think my heart can take much more of this!**

_Beep… beep… beep… beep… beep…_

Ziva lay in a white hospital bed in a white hospital room. Her eyes fluttered open as she realized the ache in her chest. She looked over to see a man sitting beside her bed. She moaned just a little as she tried turning over to her side.

"Hey, don't try and move," He said gently. "Do you remember what happened?" _English_.

"No," Ziva shook her head. "I don't remember anything,"

"Do you know who you are?"

"No," She began to panic internally.

"Do you remember who I am?"

Ziva stared at him for a moment, scrapping her mind for any piece of information, any clue. "No,"

Tim walked into the room quietly. "Your name is Ziva David. You are an Israeli Mossad officer," Gibbs said. "Do you remember Israel?"

"I do not remember anything… I can speak English?"

Tim smiled. "You know five languages,"

"Impressive… What happened to me?" Ziva asked tentatively.

They two men spent the half hour filling her in on who she was, the team, and what had happened two days ago.

"Why can't I remember anything?"

"You hit your head pretty hard on the edge of my desk. Doctors said to expect some memory loss,"

"Is it permanent?" She asked after a moment.

"We don't know yet," Gibbs answered.

"So why are you still here?" She finally asked. Her mind was exploding with this new information.

"The media found out. He knows you're alive. He'll come after you again. I'm not losing another agent,"

"Another agent?" Tim and Gibbs exchanged a glance.

"You rest. Tim will stay here with you. You don't leave her, you understand?" He said, ignoring her question.

Tim nodded. "I'll be right here,"

Suddenly the door opened, and an ecstatic forensic scientist ran into the room.

"Ziva!" Abby cried.

"Abby, quiet down. There are other patients in this hospital," McGee reminded her.

Abby went over. "Would a hug hurt too much?" She asked with a tentative smile.

"I'm afraid so," Ziva said.

"Well then these will have to do," Abby set down a vase of black roses on the nightstand.

"Thank you… Abby," Ziva said, looking strangely at the flowers.

Abby looked at her, confused by her reaction. "Abby, we have to talk," Gibbs said as he put an arm around her, leading her outside.

Later that night McGee drove Ziva home.

"Gibbs wants me to stay the night. I'll be out here on the couch if you need me,"

Ziva nodded as she looked around at her unfamiliar surroundings.

"Would you like some tea?" He asked.

"Um…"

"I can make it. You keep your favorite kind over there in the cabinet. Why don't you go lie down for a bit and I'll bring it into you when it's done?"

"Alright," Ziva said, walking down the hallway to the only bedroom in the apartment.

She walked into the room. She set down her phone on the nightstand and coat on a chair, unsure of what to do. It was a nice room, but simple. Ziva sat down on her bed carefully, trying not to disturb her recovering wound.

Her phone began to buzz silently and she picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ziva," The voice on the other said quietly. It was a man.

"Who is this?"

"An old friend,"

"How do I know you are not the person who is trying to kill me?"

"I couldn't do that to you," He said. He sounded sort of sad, like it was hard to get out the words.

"Then who are you?"

"Someone you once knew… I heard you got shot,"

"Yes. It barely missed my heart,"

"I also hear you don't remember anything,"

She was silent for a moment. "No, I do not,"

"I miss you," He finally said. When she didn't answer, he added, "Don't worry. You don't have to tell me you miss me. You have good reason not to remember,"

"I am sure Ziva misses you," She said. "I feel like I am someone else. I do not know who I am. I feel like an… an outsider,"

"That sucks," He said after a moment. His voice was weak and even quieter than before.

"Yes, it does," She agreed.

"I have to go,"

"Alright… goodbye,"

"Bye," He hung up.

Ziva sat quietly on her bed, more confused than ever. McGee walked in, holding a coffee cup and a small bottle of pills.

"Here's your tea and your meds. You need to take two of these every four hours, got it?"

She nodded. "I'll be out in the living room if you need anything. Just keep the curtains drawn and lights low,"

"Thank you, Agent McGee,"

He smiled sadly. "You're welcome,"

Ziva awoke the next morning to the soft sound of rain. It was 4:30 am, but she couldn't fall asleep. She pulled herself out of bed before walking out slowly to the kitchen. Gibbs sat in her dining room drinking coffee.

"Morning, Ziva,"

"Good morning, Agent Gibbs," His heart fell a little. He had hoped that some rest would cure her clouded head. "Where is Agent McGee?"

"I told him to go home and sleep,"

"Oh," Ziva said as she searched the cabinets for her tea.

"It's the one above the sink, on the right," Gibbs said.

"Thank you," She said, turning on the heat below the teapot that sat on the stove. "Are you always up this early?"

"Every day for the past nineteen years,"

She was quiet for a moment. "Am I always up this early?"

"Every day for your morning run,"

"But I guess that's out of question today,"

Gibbs took another sip of coffee."Oh yeah,"

"Do you always drink so much coffee?"

"Mmmhmmm. A few cups,"

"Wow,"

"A few cups each _morning_. The rest of the day I guess I drink a couple gallons,"

"Ha," She said as she turned off the gasoline beneath the squealing teapot. "Shouldn't you be investigating who did this?" Ziva asked.

"Right now the most important thing to for me to do is to make sure that you were safe,"

"Oh," she said again, settling down at the table with her mug. "I have so many questions,"

"I know," He replied, followed by another sip.

"You do?"

"I lost my memory once too. Almost got blown up. I was in a coma for a few days. When I woke up, I thought it was still 1991,"

"How did you get out of it?" She asked quietly.

He looked over at her. "You,"

"Me?"

He nodded before taking a sip. "You made me give you a head-slap. You told me about your brother, Ari,"

"How would that help you remember?"

"Ari killed Kate,"

"Who was she?"

"One of my agents," He paused.

"Go on,"

"You killed Ari,"

"I what?" Tears stung her eyes. "Why? Why would I do that?"

"To protect me,"

She began to cry. "I killed my brother to protect you?" Gibbs nodded. "Why?"

"Ari was going to kill me,"

"Agent Gibbs," She whispered through her tears. "What kind of a person am I? Killing my own brother? I'm not even a person, I am a monster,"

Gibbs walked over to her, knelt, and held her hand. "You look at me. You are not a monster. You were protecting me and following orders. You did the right thing,"

"You are only saying that because it is not you who died,"

Gibbs sighed. "Ziva, there's something else. Ari… Ari was a Hamas terrorist. He held Kate and Ducky hostage and killed countless others,"

Ziva looked down. "I think I will go back to bed," She whispered as she walked backed to her room.

"Come back soon, Ziva," Gibbs said quietly as he followed her with his eyes.

She closed the door behind her and sat on the edge of the bed. Ziva was lost. She had all of her instincts, her habits; she just didn't have her memories. But judging by the little she knew about herself, she didn't want to. She couldn't decide between knowing who she was and being ignorant for the rest of her life.

Tony lay in his bunk quietly, head resting on his hands, staring up at the bunk above him. The past weeks had been hell.

He had never meant to hurt the team. But he had to die. He had to disappear, to protect himself. To protect them. To protect her. Tony rolled over and pulled out a photo of her from his pillow. It was the only thing he had saved from his like as Tony DiNozzo. It was one he had taken when in LA the previous summer. She was smiling at him like the she did, her eyes both suspicious and flirtatious as she looked up from her book. Tony remembered the smile.

"Sergeant Ryan," a commanding voice called. Quickly Tony threw down the photo and stood, awaiting orders.


	7. Dealing

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who read yesterday's chapter—I know, answers to a few questions but only accompanied by, you got it, more questions. This chapter is shorter, I know, but stay with me. Everything that happens is for a reason and it's all going to make sense at the end.**

**Please review with all your questions, theories, and ideas. Your participation is key in this story!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS. If I did I would not be causing myself ulcers, strokes, and heart attacks over the ground breaking spoilers yesterday brought. Much more of this and I'll need a portable oxygen tank.**

"Follow me," McGee said, leading Ziva into the elevator two days later. He was bringing her to NCIS headquarters in hopes that she might remember. "This room has a lot of memories," He mused.

"An elevator?" Ziva said skeptically. If only she knew.

"_I'm tired of pretending,"_

"_So am I,"_

"Come on," He said as it opened to their floor. "This is your desk. That one next to it is Gibbs'. The one across from his is mine, and the one to the left is Agent Jennings, who you'll meet later,"

"Then whose desk is this?" Ziva asked, pointing to the one across from hers.

McGee took a breath. "That one was Tony's,"

Ziva inhaled sharply.

"What, do you remember something?"

"It—it is almost a, a voice. I feel like I know who he is,"

"Was," Tim corrected gently.

She looked at him, confusion evident in her eyes.

"He died four months ago,"

"He's dead? How?"

Tim paused before speaking. "This apartment was on fire. He died in it,"

"How would an apartment catch on fire? Most apartments around here are brick, yes?"

"Tony was… Tony was murdered, Ziva,"

Ziva felt as if she had taken a sharp blow. She backed up against her desk, staring at the floor, taking in the truth.

"By who?"

"We don't know,"

Ziva as quiet for a moment as she pressed her lips together, desperately trying to remember. "Was he my friend?"

"Yeah. You two were… you were unusually close. You had this connection, this weird thing you did with your eyes, communicating without saying a word… Do you remember anything?"

She shook her head. "No. I am sorry,"

"Gibbs tell you about his rules?"

"His rules?"

"Guess not…" McGee sighed. It had been a good try. "Come on, let's go see Abby,"

Vance and Gibbs had been watching from above the stairs, overlooking the squadroom.

"How's she doing?" Vance asked.

Gibbs shook his head. "Nothing. Not even her name,"

"How long will it last?"

"We don't know yet. She hit her head way too hard on her way down. She's lucky to not have any brain damage,"

"Except for the memory loss, which I heard you had a few years back,"

Gibbs smirked. "Yeah, yeah I had some of that,"

"How long did it take you to come out of it?"

"A few days,"

Vance looked down to see Ziva looking defeated, staring at the ground. "What do you think he told her?"

Gibbs looked at them for a moment. "Tony,"


	8. All That is Left

**A/N: Today I broke 10,000 views for all my stories, so I decided to give you guys an extra chapter! I really like this first part here, and I hope you do too. So thanks for being so overly fabulous. I love you all.**

Ziva walked into autopsy later that day. It felt familiar, yet strange.

"Ah, Ziva. How are you my dear?" Tim had "introduced" them earlier that day, and now the rest of the team was working.

"I am fine, thank you, Dr. Mallard,"

"Ducky, please,"

"Ducky," She corrected herself with a smile. He was kind, gentle, understanding. She felt as if she could tell him anything. She paused. "When are you going to ask if I can remember anything yet or not?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because everyone else has asked me that today,"

"I would have asked you, but you seemed a tad agitated, my dear,"

"Yes, well, it is not my fault I'm missing who I am,"

"You are still the same person, Ziva,"

"Of course I'm not. I have no memory of anything,"

"When a person has no memories, what is left of them is their instincts, their morals. You still have that,"

"And what is left of me, Ducky?" Ziva looked at him thoughtfully.

"A fighter. A protector. A woman of compassion,"

"Compassion? I do not think so,"

"_I lost my little sister Tali, in a Hamas suicide bombing. She was sixteen and the best of us. Tali had compassion," Ziva said, remembering._

"_I'm sorry." Tony replied. He could relate a little, having just lost Kate to Ari._

"_After Tali's death, I was like Gibbs. All I wanted was revenge."_

"_Is that why you joined Mossad?"_

_Ziva shook her head. "__I was Mossad long before Tali's death. Old--"_

"_Family tradition," He finished._

"_Israeli sense of duty." Ziva corrected._

"What is it?" Ducky asked when her eyes suddenly became distant, as if she wasn't there at all.

"I remember something," Ziva whispered. "I remember Tony,"

"What is it you remember?" He probed.

"A conversation we once had… It was the day Kate died. Tony was following me… We talked. I told him about my sister, Tali. Tali had compassion… I remember her,"

"How much is it that you remember, Ziva?" Ducky asked, not wanting to excite himself.

Ziva closed her eyes. "I remember Tony," She repeated. "I remember knowing him. I feel like I can almost see his face, remember what he looked like. I remember Tali. I remember that she… she had died young. She had the compassion I never did,"

"But you do too, my dear. Remember?"

Ziva became silent for several more minutes. "The one thing that can help me remember is the one thing that can never come back…" She whispered. "I need to think," She said, walking out of the room quickly.

"Boss, I think I've got something," McGee said as Gibbs walked into the bullpen. "I went back to the gasoline records Ziva and I were checking on the day she got shot. Boss, three nights before the fire nine cases of gasoline were purchased from Harvey's Roadside Diner and Mini Mart just outside of Alexandria,"

"Three days is a lot, Tim,"

"The customer paid in cash. Nine cases for this brand of gasoline are consistent with the amount we found at the scene,"

"Someone really didn't want any evidence left behind," Gibbs said as he stared at the records on the screen.

"No other large amount of gasoline was purchased in the area within a week of the… crime,"

"So you're sure this is it?"

"I know it's stepping out on a limb here with Vance but this is our only lead,"

"Address," Gibbs demanded. McGee handed him a piece of paper. "Come on, both of you," Jennings and McGee grabbed their gear and followed Gibbs to the elevator.

"Do you remember the purchase?" Gibbs asked.

"Ya, not a lot of folks buy nine cases of gasoline around here," Replied the manager of the store and diner. He was an older man with a deep accent and grayed hair.

"Did anything seem off about him?" McGee asked.

"Well ya, I mean, nine cases is a lot. But it's good for business, so I'm not complainin',"

"Can you describe the customer?"

"Ya,"

"Care to share?" Gibbs asked, his icy stare piercing through the man's eyes.

"Taller than you, Agent Gibbs, and shorter than you, Agent…"

"McGee,"

"Agent McGee. Anyway, he had himself some brown hair. Caucasian. Didn't see his eyes--he kept lookin' on down. Average build. Had on a black coat and a pair 'a jeans. Didn't say much, but he wasn't from around here. Figure's as much,"

"That's it? Caucasian with brown hair who is of average height and build?"

"Ya,"

"Nothing else? Nothing unique?"

"Well he was in a bit of a hurry. Kept lookin' over his shoulder,"

"Makes sense. He was nervous. Bought more than he would have needed to get the job done. This could be our guy," McGee said.

"We're gonna need a sample," Gibbs said to the manager.

"Security tapes?" McGee asked.

"We don't got no cameras if that's what you're askin'," Tim around the room to find this to be true.

"Do you remember what he looks like? The shape of his face, that sort of thing?"

"I guess,"

"We'll need you to come in to give a sketch,"

Ziva sat at her desk quietly, unsure of what to do. The memory of Tony… It seemed so real, and his voice was so familiar, so clear. Was she imagining it because she wanted so badly to remember? Or was this for real?

She glanced across to McGee. He was typing furiously, his eyes having not left the screen for nearly two hours. Jenning was also hard at work, and Gibbs was off somewhere, doing well, whatever it was he did when he wasn't around. Ziva wished she could work on the cases, but without her memory and investigative skills, Vance didn't want to take the risk, and she was now under strict orders not to make any attempt until her memory was back.

So for two hours, Ziva had been staring at Tony's desk, trying to remember.

"Who would want to kill Tony?" She asked aloud, not speaking to anyone in particular.

"You remember him?" McGee stopped his work suddenly.

"Sort of… I think. But honestly, who?"

"It's a long list," McGee said, his brow furrowed. "He had been framed for murder three times in the last three years, so his list of enemies was pretty long,"

"It could be anyone," Piped up Jennings. "Someone who knew him before he came to NCIS. An ex-girlfriend. Maybe someone involved in a past case,"

"Ex-girlfriend?" Ziva asked.

"Tony…" McGee searched for the words.

"Had a lot of girlfriends. One night stands. Weekend flings," Jennings finished.

McGee made a face. "You never even met him,"

Jennings raised his hands in innocence. "Hey, it's just what I heard,"

Tim sighed. "He was a player for a long time. But not anymore,"

"What changed?" Ziva asked.

"He met you," Tim said, looking up at her. She smiled sadly. "But Jennings, maybe you're onto something,"

"An ex-girlfriend?"

"No, a past case. Gibbs retired for a summer three years ago, and he left Tony in charge,"

"How many cases did he solve?"

"A lot… He was a lot like Gibbs. Had good instincts,"

"That seems to be the word of the day," Ziva said under her breath.

"What?" McGee asked.

"Nothing," She said, walking back to her desk. As she sat down, her phone began to ring. "Should I answer it?"

"Sure. It could be Vance," McGee said, not looking up.

"Officer David," The words felt strange yet somehow natural. _I hate this_.

"Hey," A voice sounded over the phone.

"It is you again," Ziva lowered her voice so as not to spark the attention from McGee or Jennings.

"You have your memory back yet?" He asked.

"Some," She said hesitantly. Immediately the caller hung up.


	9. How It Is and Shouldn't Be

**A/N: Hey everyone. Sorry for the long wait! You all have been so fabulous though with all the reviews and alerts and such, so thank you. This chapter, I know, is sorta short. Angsty. Sad. But I love this one.**

**Did you see Legend Part 1 last night? Oh goodness. I. Died. Seriously, it was incredible. I get heart palpitations every time I think about it! **

Ziva sat at her desk, clueless as to what to do. It had been a week and three days and still there had been no second attack on her life. The life which she couldn't remember more than a snapshot here or there, but her life nonetheless. For hours she replayed that conversation with Tony in her head, trying to remember every detail. It wasn't a clear memory—it was like she was watching them through the fog.

Or the rain. _It was raining that night. I remember. He was standing outside of my hotel. I brought him pizza and coffee. I remember_.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Tim.

"Hey Boss, I've got something," McGee called to Gibbs who was sitting at his desk for once. "I looked over Abby's computer again, and I found something. Now there wasn't much left of it at all after the fire. Just some fragments. But I found an encrypted file,"

Gibbs raised his eyebrows, unimpressed and confused. "And?"

"And, after some digging, it turns out that it was actually a virus like the one a couple years ago that tricked her computer into thinking there was a power surge and caused it to basically burst into flames. This one was similar. It began deleting the dental records which had been marked to delete upon opening. Cancelling it would begin the process, which is what Abby did,"

"Which means?"

"Someone set up a virus to kill DiNozzo's dental records and then set the whole thing on fire. They knew it'd be the last piece of evidence we had to identify the body,"

"Jennings," Gibbs called out. The probationary agent peered out a little more from his cubicle. "Tell me something,"

"Can I ask a question instead? Why would a murderer try and hide the identity of someone he murdered in an apartment registered to whoever he intended to kill? Don't you think that's overkill?"

"Oddly phrased, but I think I see what you're getting at," McGee commented.

"So, what's this mean for our case?" Gibbs asked, his brows still raised. The other team members were silent, unsure who what kind of answer he was looking for. "You find out,"

Ziva sat silently. She held a small object in her hands, and she couldn't stop staring at it.

"_Ziva, I have something for you," Abby said. Ziva stood before her, slightly clueless and lost. Abby had called her down to her lab five minutes prior, but she was being very mysterious about why. Abby walked over to the box that stood on her lab table and pulled out a bag. "I got clearance to release this to you. You were his first emergency contact, so it's OK. " She handed Ziva the small bag who took it carefully. Out from it she pulled a badge, freshly polished. "I cleaned it. I figured you wouldn't want it all black and stuff so I cleaned it and polished it. Just like how it used to look. The ash and soot protected it from melting… It's yours now,"_

"_Abby, I can't--"_

"_Take it. He would want you to have it. To remember him by,"_

"_If only I could…"_

"_You will, Ziva,"_

"_McGee said we were close, Tony and I," She said as she held it in her hands._

"_You were. There had never been anyone who knew each other so well. It was like you could read each other's minds,"_

"_What was he like?" Ziva asked after a moment._

"_He was a lot of fun. He loved to tease—he'd call McGee 'Probie' or 'McGeek' and you guys would banter endlessly. He'd always quote movies—it was one after another, and you always said you hated it,"_

"_I don't think I did," Ziva said._

"_You remember?"_

"_No… it's just--"_

"_A gut feeling. I know."_

She had been sitting there in the darkened elevator for an hour now, gazing at the badge in her hands, fingering the raised edges softly. It was like reconnecting with her past. With him. She felt as if she ran her fingers over it enough times, she might be able to remember. That if she could just remember him, her memory might also come back.

It wasn't fair that she couldn't remember. It wasn't fair that he was dead. Everything she knew about her life wasn't fair. Her brother was a terrorist. She had to shoot him. Her sister died at sixteen _because_ of terrorists. Her partner was murdered. She lost her memory. He was a mystery. Everything was. As far as she knew, her life was miserable. How could anyone be happy after so much loss and pain? How could anyone go on with their life?

He had been a good agent. She couldn't remember even working with him, but she knew. He was probably a lot like Agent Gibbs. Determined. Strong. Capable. Maybe even ruthless.

"How am I supposed to do this?" She wondered aloud. "Where am I supposed to go from here?" She leaned her head up against the cool metal wall before slamming it angrily with her fist. It shouldn't be this way. Things shouldn't have turned out like this.


	10. Recall Me Tomorrow

**A/N: So, the long awaited chapter. Lots of questions will be answered, but more will come to light. **

**Disclaimer: I, nor the 6,000,000 other users on FFN, do not own NCIS. I didn't yesterday. I won't tomorrow. Neither will Anne from Stoneybrook, Iowa, or Candy from Albuquerque, New Mexico. Anyone who writes fan fiction for a major TV show obviously doesn't own it. If we did, we'd be hanging out with the cast right now or writing the latest script in which Tony and Ziva will finally get their act together. So you see? This whole disclaimer thing? Kinda silly.**

Ziva sat in her room quietly that night. McGee was in her living room again, this time working furiously on his laptop, but ready to protect her if needed. A cup of tea was left forgotten and cold on her nightstand as she sat on her bed, millions of questions and thought running through her mind.

Ziva felt lost. She felt angry. Angry that she couldn't remember, angry that her partner had to die, angry that she couldn't do anything. She knew it wasn't her fault, but there was this nagging sensation in her gut telling her something. She felt helpless and furious because she was. She couldn't change the past, much less remember it.

Ziva closed her eyes. Her heart pulled at her as she tried to remember the color of his eyes. There was something about him, something she knew, something she felt. She couldn't pin point what it was. But there was something inside her that needed to know him more than anything or anyone. She needed him, but now there was no way to have him.

She reached over to look in her nightstand, finding a thick brown leather book. Opening it, she found it had been half filled. It had to have at least 300 pages inside, most of them written in. She opened it to one of the first pages. It described her first encounter with Tony. She laughed softly to herself at her unique "opening lines" with him, and his flustered reaction. As she continued to read, faded memories of Ari, comments on various cases and missions, and moments with the team came to life. Undercover as married assassins. Trapped inside a shipping container. LA. Jenny. Going back to Israel. The mission in Morocco. Then coming back to D.C. Seeing him again in Columbia. Finding the truth about the mole at NCIS. His outburst in the elevator. Then one day, she wrote about the fire. The fire that killed him. The entries were never very long, never filled with emotion. They were simply recordings of her life, written every few weeks or so, not every day.

The more she read, the more she remembered. Finally she came to one page that caught her eye.

_I didn't mean to fall in love with him._

_But I did._

That was all it said, but she knew exactly who she had been writing about.

She woke up the next morning like nothing had changed since before Tony died. It was 4:30 AM and time for her morning run. But as she slipped into the kitchen to make some tea before her run, she remembered that she had forgotten.

"You ok, Ziva?" Gibbs asked from the table.

"I remember," She said softly but factually.

"What do you remember?" He stood.

"Everything," She looked at him, tears of relief and sadness welling in her eyes. He pulled her into an embrace.

"Welcome back, Ziva. Welcome back,"

They had left for headquarters almost as soon as Ziva could pull on a pair of jeans and t-shirt and grab her SIG. Ziva had called McGee on the way and he met them there, despite his three hours of sleep that night.

They turned a corner and were quickly met by a large black SUV. Out of the corner of her eye Ziva saw something she didn't expect.

"Gibbs! Gun!" She cried, pulling out her weapon. Gibbs swerved and sped up, trampling off the interstate into deep into Rock Creek Park. They got out of the car and began to run for cover behind the trees. "Did we lose him?"

Gibbs was silent for a moment as he peered past the tree. "No, not yet he said," Moments later the SUV pulled up. Two men emerged, each carrying guns that were much larger than the ones Ziva and Gibbs were armed with.

Gibbs motioned to her silently. Ziva nodded, and they began their impossible mission.

"Jennings," McGee called from his desk, staring at the report in his hands.

"Yeah," he replied from behind him.

"Where's the report on the fire in Abby's lab?"

"I gave it to you,"

"It's not here,"

"I had it an hour ago. Did you take it?"

"No, when you went to get your coffee it was right there on your desk,"

"Really?" McGee asked skeptically.

Jennings stared him in the eye for a moment, then looked quickly off before answering. "Yes,"

_He looked to the left_, McGee thought, remembering Ziva's instruction on lie detection two years ago.

"Something wrong?" Jennings asked, returning to his work after noticing the odd stare coming from the senior agent.

"Well--" Tim was interrupted by his phone ringing. "Agent McGee,"

"Two men!" It was Ziva's voice, followed by a number of gunshots. "Automatic rifles! Rock Creek park! Liscence plate 375 Alpha Foxtrot—" More gunshots…

"Ziva! Ziva can you hear me?"

McGee put the phone on speaker and began to type furiously, despite the silence that had followed.

McGee and Jennings pulled up to Ziva's location within fifteen minutes of her call. Their guns raised, they began to spread out carefully, looking for any sign of Ziva and Gibbs.

The grounds were silent. Not even the birds dare say a word.

Tim continued to edge forward slowly, looking around as he went. Suddenly he heard the crunch of twigs in front of him, on the other side of a tree. From where he stood he could see a body. Reaching the other side of the tree, he saw Ziva leaning up against it, gun poised, raised towards the body. She was staring off at it, as if there was no one else there.

"Ziva,"

"Tim," She said, relieved, and stood up. McGee went over to the body and checked for a pulse.

"He's dead, Ziva. Where's Gibbs?"

Ziva pointed. "He went that way with the other guy. I heard a firefight then—" As she said this, Gibbs walked out of the trees. "Gibbs!"

"Hey Tim," He said casually.

"Boss, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. He's not,"

"How'd you guys do it?" They just stared at him. "Never mind, I don't want to know," He said with a small smile.

Ziva sat at her desk for the first time in over a week as Ziva David, the one she knew, the one everyone loved. It had been two days since her memory had returned and returning to normal was something she was glad to do. As her eyes shifted to his desk, her thoughts turned to Tony. She sighed. She just couldn't accept that he was dead.

A phone rang from across the squadroom, and suddenly it hit her.

"McGee," He looked up at her expectantly, pausing his mad fury of typing. "I think Tony is alive,"

"Ziva, keep it down. He's dead," Ziva stood ad walked over to his desk.

"No, he is not. When I lost my memory I got two phone calls, on my cell phone, from a man who said he was an 'old friend.' I think it was Tony,"

McGee stood to meet her with a sigh. "Ziva, you have to let this go, he's gone. And if you tell someone, you'll lose your badge, maybe even your clearance,"

"No, he is alive. He called me,"

"You have to accept this, Ziva. Tony is dead. You saw the body. You saw his apartment,"

"Wait, McGee, the apartment. Was it locked?"

McGee shuffled through some papers to find Tony's file, left where it had been days ago. "Why would it matter now? Oh… Ziva, you might actually be onto something. It was locked, but not on the inside,"

"So how would someone get inside a locked apartment, pour gasoline everywhere, and lock the door without waking Tony?"

"He was asleep, Ziva, you know that,"

"It does not mean it was him. We didn't find his house keys at the scene. There was no positive identity,"

"And a positive identity on the man who bought the gasoline," Abby said triumphantly, running into the bullpen. "The guy from Harvey's Diner and Mini Mart ID'd the man who bought the gasoline as Tony,"

"You mean…" McGee began, his brow furrowed.

"Tony set himself up," She explained.

**I had fun writing this one, but I hope the journal thing wasn't too cheesy. Let me explain: her journal would never say stuff like, **_**"Oh, he's so cute. I like him but I don't know if he likes me! Maybe I should ask my friend to tell his friend to ask him to see if he likes me back!"**_** because that's not Ziva's style. Her journal would be more factual than anything. So that's what I mean. I don't mean a corny, sappy journal. I mean a Ziva journal. Ok. I think you have the idea. Now go review. : )**


	11. Finding

**A/N: So I discovered that the FFN has been killing my formatting. You've all been suffering without any break lines all this time! No wonder you've been so confused! I'm sorry. It's not my fault. This chapter should be better.**

**Anyway, this chapter should be good. I waited on posting this because I needed to tie up some loose ends within the story and make it all clear. Here's a note to remember though: Tony isn't in the Navy—Navy doesn't have Lieutenants. The Marines does, so just remember that. I like to be consistent.**

**I really like this first scene. I know things don't all make sense yet, but they will. Let me know about any inconsistencies or things that don't make any sense, ok?**

**Now, we have a problem. I'm new to FFN and still figuring out how to use it. Because I'm writing all this in one document on my computer then pulling out what I want and putting it into a new document then uploading that, I'm running out of space in my Document Manager. I didn't know this until recently. So I have a question: If I delete old chapters from past chapters, will it delete it for you guys too? If it does, then we can do this: I can end it soon and then create a sequel, but I'll have to delete this story, though you guys should still be able to read it through my profile, right? Ok, so can anyone help me out here? I'm a little lost, haha.**

**Disclaimer: You know the deal. Don't own.**

* * *

"So you're saying my agent has been alive for four months while the rest of us have been mourning for his _death_?" Gibbs shouted angrily at Vance.

"Yes," Vance said, his voice calm and firm.

"I don't know what to do, Leon. I don't know whether to kill you for putting my team through hell or to kill you for lying to me!"

"How about you listen instead? Five months ago a man began contacting Agent DiNozzo. We learned that he was a murderer that DiNozzo had put away after you quit,"

"I did not quit," Gibbs corrected.

Vance chose to ignore this. "He had escaped from prison. We don't know how. DiNozzo began to do some searching a few months back, but he got too close. Instead of scaring him off, he retaliated. He threatened to kill the rest of your team. The only way to catch this guy was to kill DiNozzo,"

"And how would that catch him?" Vance was silent. "Where is now?" Gibbs asked.

"He's aboard the Seahawk again under the cover of Sergeant Tony Ryan,"

Gibbs sighed. "We could have protected him, _Leon_,"

"No, you couldn't have. This guy has eyes and ears everywhere. We needed everyone to believe that Tony was dead,"

"Then why was David shot at twice in the past week?"

"Maybe he wants to stay safe, make sure no one catches on,"

"Or maybe, there's someone on the inside," Gibbs' stare was like a challenge. "Who else knows?"

"There's no one on the inside," Vance insisted. "This was airtight,"

"Who else knows?" Gibbs asked, his voice raised and his eyes raging.

Vance sighed inwardly. Gibbs had won. "Agent Jennings,"

"A _probie_ was in on this, but not me?"

"I couldn't risk it,"

"Let me guess, you needed someone who was actually afraid of you?"

"I needed someone who could follow my orders,"

"I've been following your orders for four months. I didn't investigate,"

"And why is that?" Vance stared him in the eye. "It's not like you, Gibbs,"

"Maybe I trusted you. I trusted you knew what you were doing,"

"That's not like you either," Vance paused as realized the truth. "You knew,"

"Made sense," Gibbs said. "You wouldn't let us investigate. I just put two and two together, Leon," Gibbs stood and began to walk to the door, but turned back for a moment. "Jenny did the same thing. She almost killed Tony too. Only, you _really_ did," He said, a little hint of wonder in his voice. "Thought you woulda learned,"

"He's alive," Vance said.

"He hasn't been for four months,"

"Gibbs, you should know something: Tony was the one who came to me and asked to do this. He was the one doing the protecting. He got to be the hero,"

* * *

Ziva sat at her desk, tapping her fingers on it. She had never felt so restless, so antsy. Since she found out that Tony might alive, she'd been unable to focus on anything else.

"You workin', David?" Gibbs said as he passed through the bullpen to his desk.

"What did Vance say?" She stood, ignoring his question.

Gibbs shrugged. "He's in the Marines, currently in transport on the Seahawk under the name of Sergeant Tony Ryan,"

"The Seahawk is Navy, not Marines," McGee said, confused.

"He's on transport, McGee. It's only for a couple days while he does some consulting or something with them,"

"Wouldn't someone recognize him there?" McGee asked.

"It's a ship of over 5,000 people. You honestly think there'd be someone to recognize him?"

"Good point," He replied, returning to his work.

"Someone from an old case was after him and the rest of the team. He faked his death to prevent it," Gibbs said as he sat down.

"An old case?"

"From when I retired. Talk to Vance. Where's Jennings?"

"Checking the records now, Boss. Jennings went across the street to get coffee,"

"But why the rest of the team?" Ziva asked.

"Find out," Gibbs said as he rushed out of the bullpen as swiftly as he had come in. McGee and Ziva exchanged a glance.

McGee dialed the number, and he was soon connected to Vance.

"Agent McGee, I was expecting your call,"

"We need to know which case it was,"

"I can do better than that. I'm sending you DiNozzo's notes and the case file," He said and hung up abruptly. Moments later, an email arrived in McGee's inbox.

"It says here that a man named Jeremiah Stoner recently escaped prison," McGee said, staring at her screen. "Stoner was in the Navy. He had murdered his entire family, wife, three sons, and daughter. He was sentenced to life in prison,"

"I remember this case. Tony was particularly aggressive, yes? So _he_ is after Tony. But why come after me? Maybe it's not the same guy,"

"You were on the team,"

"So?"

"We don't believe in coincidences,"

"True," she agreed.

"Maybe he's tying up loose ends?"

"He shouldn't need to. He thinks Tony is dead,"

McGee sighed. "I think we're missing something here, Ziva,"

Ziva looked at Tony's desk. "More than one,"

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Gibbs tore a shaking Jennings into the interrogation room. He left him to sit there for twenty minutes.

"Gotta let him simmer," Gibbs commented to McGee and Ziva in the observation room as they briefed him on their findings.

"Is anyone gonna come?" Jennings asked in a voice that sounded both whiny and desperate. Ten minutes later, Gibbs walked into the room and sat down at the table, coolly at first. "Why am I here?"

"You know why,"

"I swear, I don't,"

"Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo," Gibbs said, his voice raising a decibel.

"He was murdered, sir,"

"How?"

"In a fire, in his apartment,"

"Why?"

"The case is unsolved; you and I both know that,"

"There is quite a bit of knowledge you and I both share, the first being that Special Agent DiNozzo had someone after him. Who?"

"I don't know!"

"The second, being that DiNozzo is alive," Gibbs slapped down a file in front of him. It was DiNozzo's, or rather, Sergeant Ryan's service record.

Jennings closed his eyes and replied calmly, "There's gotta be a mistake,"

Ziva looked at McGee. "He wasn't surprised,"

"Yeah, Vance made a mistake in trusting you. You betrayed this agency, you betrayed DiNozzo, you betrayed me, the team, and your country. Why?" Gibbs slammed his hand on the table. "Why?" He yelled. He stared at Jennings, anger almost pouring out of his eyes.

After a moment, Jennings began. "I didn't have a choice,"

"There's always a choice,"

"Not this time. A man contacted me. I had just finished my training. He told me what to do,"

"Which was what?"

"He just wanted me to do some errands for him,"

"Is that what they're calling it now?"

"He just wanted me to give him some phone numbers, find an out of the way gas station with a mini mart, that sort of thing. It wasn't a lot. It wasn't anything important,"

"You gave him enough to nearly kill Officer David twice!"

"I didn't mean to hurt anyone,"

"Do you know how many people have been hurt because of what you 'didn't' mean to do? Who are you working for?"

"But we already know," McGee said to Ziva, confused.

"He doesn't know we know,"

"Tell me!"

"Jeremiah Stoner, _sir_. But he," He gave a small, devious laugh. "He's only a pawn in a much bigger game. There's no stopping it now,"

* * *

"I want to know everything about this guy from the kind of toothpaste he uses to the name of his childhood dog. You find out who this guy is!" Gibbs commanded as he stormed out of the squadroom.

"I'm looking at Jennings' phone records. A week before Tony's death… Or well, whatever it was, he received three calls from the same number. It's a pay phone outside of Wilson's Motel downtown," McGee said.

"Perhaps his boss was staying in the motel," Ziva suggested.

"Just what I was thinking. I'll make some calls," He said, picking up his phone.

"The manager said there was one guest who did stand out from the other three seven staying in the motel at the time. He paid in cash, enough for a week," McGee said.

"Name?" Gibbs asked.

"He didn't give one,"

"Cameras?"

"There aren't any," McGee said. Gibbs stared at him. "But, there is an ATM across the street. I'll get the security tapes, check for any sign of our guy,"

"Good. David, Vance wants to see you in his office," Gibbs announced from his desk.

"What does he want?" She asked, confused.

"Why does he want to see me?"

Gibbs shrugged. "You were right,"

"About what?"

"Tony,"

"Yes, I know," She said quietly."He died protecting you," He said. She looked up at him.

"He what?"


	12. Guilt and Fault

**A/N: Hey everyone. So thanks for all of yesterday's reviews! You're fabulous.**

**Today's chapter is short, but that's because tomorrow's is going to be… Well… I can't explain. But it's gonna be good. Really good. **

**Thanks for the help yesterday—I'm so much less confused now. You're all amazing. Good news, but I guess you already knew this: I don't need to end this and begin a sequel, which is great because, well, it is. So keep reading. This story is nowhere near finished yet. And let me know your ideas, the things you'd like to see, topics you'd like brought to light between the characters, that sort of thing.**

* * *

Ziva walked in the Director's office at Cynthia's direction.

"I'm glad to see you haven't picked up on all Gibbs' habits," He commented as she entered. "Have a seat,"

"I'll stand," she said.

"I guess you've picked up on more of his habits than I thought," Vance sat back in his chair. "How are you?"

"I am fine,"

"Your memory?"

"Completely restored, excluding the moments after I went down,"

"I'm glad to hear it… I understand you are informed about Agent DiNozzo's status?"

"Yes, Agent Gibbs filled me in," She replied coolly. "Although I do not completely understand why he had to die and the rest of us were left to mourn for four months," She said, anger bubbling inside of her.

"Gibbs didn't tell you?"

"I am aware that he died to protect the rest of the team. However, he has not made any attempt on the lives of the rest of the team. Why is that, Director Vance?" She asked, a hint of anger in her words.

"That's something you'll have to ask Agent DiNozzo,"

"When?"

"He is currently delayed on the Seahawk,"

"Delayed?" She raised her eyebrows.

"David, his killer still thinks he's dead. We're trying to keep it that way until we figure out who is behind this,"

"His killer could be aboard that ship," She said, raising her voice a little.

"He could be anywhere, " She was silent, but she didn't lose eye contact with him. "I know you two were very close, and I'm sorry to have put you through this,"

"Glad to see you at least have the guts to say that. Jenny never did," She shook her head a little as she said this, her lips pursed in disapproval and frustration.

"I don't particularly like your tone, Officer David,"

"I don't particularly like your actions, Director Vance," She shot back.

"David!" Ziva turned around to see Gibbs standing by the door and a helpless Cynthia standing behind him. "Outside, now!" She stormed out of the room and disappeared down the hall.

"You need to keep your team under control," Vance said as he began shuffling around papers on his desk. "Or I will,"

"Have you ever lost a partner, _Leon_?"

"That is no excused. And DiNozzo is alive,"

"Answer the question," Gibbs said, staring into Vance's eyes defiantly.

"Yes. Twice,"

"Do you remember how it feels like? You feel responsible, even if you weren't. No matter how many times people tell you that it's not your fault, to you, it still is. Even if you were a million miles away, you should have been there," Gibbs said. "You should have been there," He said more softly as his mind drifted to the past.


	13. Everything Changes

**A/N: So here's the chapter. I wasn't planning this; it just came out as I wrote it. I love it when that happens. Enjoy! Don't forget to review. **

Ziva slammed her fist down on the elevator wall in frustration. She hated this. She hated not knowing, especially after not knowing _anything_ at all for three days straight. She hated that Vance was being so… Whatever the English word was for whatever he was! She hated Tony for leaving and making everyone hurt so much, and for what? They were at a dead end. No new evidence, no new clues. A killer was still out there and there was nothing she could do about it… Except leave. If she left headquarters and went out publicly, she'd be exposed and before long, another attempt on her life would be made. She could lure him out, she knew she could. Then everything would be alright, everything would be normal again.

The elevator doors opened to the squadroom and Ziva grabbed her things swiftly before McGee had a chance to say a word. She felt as if she was in a daze as she walked around on autopilot. Nothing mattered but fixing this. She got into her car and drove out of the Navy Yard to her favorite coffee shop. It was the one Michelle Lee had gone to, passing on information to save her daughter. The same coffee shop McGee's fanatic psycho killer used to work at. So many memories here. But today, she wouldn't think about it. She was on a mission.

She walked up to the cashier, ordering a large white tea. Her heart was racing as she looked around as covertly as she could to see if anyone was watching her. No one yet. Ziva picked up her drink from the counter and sat on the steps outside of the coffee shop. It was a humid, overcast day, and everyone was hovering inside, the parking spaces all jam packed. The sky was threatening to break loose with rain at any moment. Soft jazz hummed quietly from inside the shop. She took a sip of her tea, glancing around her as she did so. A car rolled by, and she checked for the driver. A mom and her child.

Ziva sat there, sipping occasionally, checking for all the usual places someone might watch her from. But today the roofs were empty, the cars were vacant, the store windows only filled with mannequins. A cold drizzle of rain began to fall, and it was then that she heard a faint tapping of shoes from behind her.

"Hello, Ziva," a familiar voice said.

"Michael," She breathed, her brow furrowed. _Michael Rivkin_. "What are you doing here?" She asked her former Mossad partner as he sat down.

"I am doing the world some good," He gestured to the coat in his hand, the barrel of Beretta pointed at her. "Don't try anything stupid. Just act normal," Ziva heard him cock the gun, though muffled beneath the coat.

"You never were working for Mossad," Ziva said, slightly shocked, yet trying to stall for time.

"Oh, I was. Mossad came in… handy, as Americans like to say. I met the right people. Gained the right resources. Learned the right information," His Israeli accent with thick, but his English was perfect.

"You were the one after Tony,"

"Yes,"

"And Jeremiah Stoner?"

"He was just--"

"A pawn?" Ziva finished for him, remembering Jennings' words.

"You could say that,"

"You got Stoner out of prison?"

"Yes, but I did much more than just that," He looked out at the street before them, lined with stores and shops with a small, contented sigh. "Each one of these buildings has a large case of C4 on its roof. It is routed wirelessly. All I have to do is press this button," He pulled out a device from the pocket of his jacket. "And we all go up in flames,"

"Why did you want Tony dead?"

"Tony was in the way. He was on the opposing side. And in this game, there will be no winners," He smiled at her sadistically.

"What was he in the way of?" Ziva asked as calmly as she could, though her voice was just barely shaking as she searched for a solution, a way out.

"Winning,"

"What is the prize, Michael?" Her heart was beating faster by the second.

"You of course. When you left Israel last summer… Ziva, that was not a good move,"

"I visited you only a month later,"

"To break up with me,"

"But I didn't,"

"A wise decision,"

"So why kill me?"

"Because I know about Ari,"

Ziva was shocked, but didn't say anything.

"You are wondering how I know," He observed. He smiled. "Hm. Figures. You know, I _am_ as smart as I look,"

"Which isn't very smart at all," a familiar voice said.


	14. Trigger

**A/N: Yeah, I know. Another short chapter, but this one is pretty filled. The next chapter is pretty heavy, hence the reason it's not posted today. Thanks for all the reviews, guys! We broke a hundred yesterday! You're all much too fabulous.**

**Did everyone see the TV Guide video on YouTube with Michael and Cote? Oh my. Those two. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous.**

**And tomorrow night we finally get to see Semper Fi! I'm so unbelievably excited, even if it is the second to last episode of the season. It's okay, as long as we see some Tiva action (even if it's negative—it needs to happen—but it sounds like it will be from Cote's latest interview, but oh well.) All I can think is, **_**Tiva will prevail!**_

Ziva looked over her shoulder to see the unbelievable.

_Tony_. Her heart nearly stopped for three full beats as she looked over at him.

He had his SIG pointed steadily at Rivkin's head.

Rivkin turned around, his eyes wide in shock. At that moment, Ziva grabbed the gun from his hands, pointing it at him. She would have pulled the detonator, but he held it in his other hand, and she would never have been fast enough.

"You were dead," He said, awe clear in his voice as he looked at Tony.

"Guess that makes me an angel or something, right?" Tony said.

Rivkin smiled sadistically. "I am not concerned. There is a C4 bomb on every rooftop on this block. You pull a trigger, I pull a trigger. It is a fair trade, yes?"

"Not exactly how I'd describe it. Drop the switch,"

"You don't want me to do that, DiNozzo," He pulled back his jacket revealing several grenades strapped to his chest. Tony swallowed. There had to be a way out of this. "If I drop it, the pins on all six grenades are pulled and we all die. There is this fantastic little mechanism inside that detects such extreme movement. It can be passed from hand to hand, but drop it? Boom. It's your choice,"

"It's yours too,"

"I do not care if I die. As long as I win,"

"This isn't a game, Rivkin. You're putting the lives of hundreds of innocent people at stake," Tony didn't let his eyes shift to the busy street behind them.

"Gladly," Rivkin said, his eyes filled with darkness.

"Michael, please," Ziva pleaded, though calm and composed. Her chocolate brown eyes were wide as she tried to will him to stop. Her heart was beating fast. Five feet from her stood the man she thought she had lost, and now she might lose him again.

"No, Ziva. What is done is done. You will have but one second after I press this switch," Rivkin said coldly, his finger slowly lowering to the detonator.

Tony pulled the trigger, and Rivkin pulled the trigger, and the sky darkened instantly.


	15. The End of Love

**A/N: Wow, thanks for the reviews! Your reactions were great. I love a good cliffhanger, so I'm glad you do too. Be prepared for more in the future!**

**Here's today's chapter. Just be aware: It's not over yet. I don't mean the story, though that's true. I mean something else. See if you can figure it out. I've thrown in a couple clues so far, so keep your eye out!**

"ZIVA!" Tony yelled, lunging at her, having dropped his gun the second he put a bullet in. They tumbled down the steps and into the street as an explosion sounded, the size of a sonic boom. All around them fell shrapnel and flames as the stores all down the block on either side of the street were engulfed in flames. A blanket of smoke and rain filled the air, making it impossible to see more than two feet ahead, but the vibrant hues of orange and yellow were as clear as sunshine. Around them screams and the aching and breaking of wooden beams.

Tony had fallen on top of Ziva, shielding their heads with his arms in the middle of the street, the only safe place there was on the entire block. He moaned as he thought about rolling over. Car alarms were sounding violently, and the wails of sirens soon joined the wails of the people as emergency teams arrived at the scene. Looking down at Ziva he saw that she was unconscious but alive, and allowed himself to stay right where he was. Moving was unthinkable right now. He closed his eyes, knowing help would be there soon. There was nothing else he could do. He had saved her.

"Tony! Ziva!" Gibbs called as he skid to a stop several yards down, making room for the emergency vehicles and running to them. He checked for a pulse in each of them. "They're alive," He said to McGee who had caught up with him. He looked around at the terror surrounding them. He was speechless.

McGee walked over to Rivkin who lay on the ground, completely disfigured. He looked around, shaking his head. "All this, and for what?"

"Revenge," Gibbs said from where he was kneeling over his other two team members.

"What kind of revenge is worth the lives of hundreds of people?"

"Ever heard the phrase, '_All's fair in love and war?'_ McGee?"

"Yeah, but there's no way you can call _this_ fair,"

"I'm not…This is where love ended and war began," He said quietly. His eyes connected with Tony's which had fluttered open for a mere moment, and in his eyes, he knew that this was true.

Ziva sat on steps once again three days later, certain that there were no bombs or murderers or double agents around, though her guard never went down. The bottom half of her lower cheek was red with the scratches caused by the asphalt, and there were bruises all throughout her body. But she was alive, and that's what mattered.

The steps she was sitting on were that of the Lincoln Memorial, overlooking half of Washington, DC. Eighth graders, families, tourists, and locals walked around her, going about their business, but Ziva just sat there, thinking.

"Hey," Tony called to her. He was just a few steps down, and walked up and sat down beside her. He interlocked his fingers, resting his arms on his knees. "How've you been?"

"That is a stupid question, DiNozzo," Ziva said. Her heart ached, the answer to his question.

"Then can I have an intelligent answer to cancel it out?"

Ziva rolled her eyes but then her expression turned serious again. A moment later, she answered. "You were dead,"

"Yeah, I was,"

"You never said goodbye,"

"I always say goodbye. I said goodbye the night before, when I left work,"

"No you didn't," She said.

"Yes, I did,"

"You forgot that night,"

"I did? I guess I was a little distracted. I had my death to plan,"

"Whose body was in your apartment?" Ziva asked, momentarily distracted.

Tony coughed nervously. "A medical cadaver,"

Ziva's eyebrows rose. "How did you manage that?"

"Vance pulled some strings," He said with a grin.

"Hm," She said, smirking. "You left the rest of us to mourn," She returned to the previous topic. Her tone was soft and slightly bitter as she fidgeted with the sleeve of her black coat.

"I'm sorry," He said, looking out at the scene before them.

"Why?"

"Why am I sorry?" He asked slowly, confused.

"Why did you do it? Why did you not come to Gibbs? To me?"

"I had no choice. I get that I hurt you, and I'm sorry," He said.

"No, you do _not_ understand. And you know what your problem is? _You never will_," Her tone was angry, but her eyes were filled with hurt.

Tony's expression turned soft as he looked down. "I had to protect you guys. Cliché or not, you guys are all I've got left,"

"Your cousin who inherited your Uncle Clyde's fortune?" Ziva reminded him.

"Yeah… I hate him," Ziva smirked, but then her expression softened as he spoke. "He's not family. Not real family,"

"I do not want to forgive you, Tony. But I do not want to hate you," She said slowly, a hint of desperate frustration in her voice.

"I was doing what I thought was right,"

"I know," She insisted softly.

"You have to understand. I couldn't take that risk,"

"What, the risk of hurting your _pride_? You did not ask for help. You cannot always do things alone, Tony,"

"Sometimes you need to. You of all people know this!"

"If you really wanted to do the right thing, you would have let us help you. We could have caught him months ago,"

"Ziva, I didn't even know if he was serious or not when I got those phone calls,"

"You obviously thought there was something to them,"

"I'm a federal investigator. I was trained by Gibbs. Rule number three: never assume, always double check. You recall _that_?" Tony sighed in frustration. "I wanted to protect you,"

"I can protect myself!" Ziva insisted. I am a trained assassin. I am a specialist in interrogation techniques," A couple of men passed by and gave her strange looks. She ignored them and turned her focus back to Tony.

"You can't always do things alone," He said, quoting her. She stared him in the eye, her brow furrowed slightly, her eyes weak.

"Perhaps not," She said before walking down the steps, leaving him sitting at the top.


	16. The Things We're Told

**A/N: Wow, you guys really topped yourselves yesterday—more reviews on a single chapter than in any other piece I'd ever written. Thanks so much!**

**Here's the new chapter. I decided to pull an old friend into the story. She was from episode 2.1, "See No Evil". It's hard to hear how she was speaking in this story—not childish, not like a little kid. If you've seen the episode, you know she was very mature and she talked that way too. That's how she acts in this—insightful, mature, serious, but also sweet. Got it? 3 points if you can remember her name before she's introduced.**

**Oh, and here's a hint—the story isn't over yet. Just because it seems to have slowed down, doesn't mean it is. Ohhhh, there's no way it's over yet.**

**Oh, and I'm so sorry about the last chapter. FFN stole my formatting again and I forgot to manually do it. So you all owe me a Gibbs-slap.**

**Disclaimer: This is so dumb. I don't own it. If I did, I wouldn't be spending my time writing fan fiction for it, now would I? I digress.**

* * *

Jethro picked up a piece of sandpaper and walked over to his boat. He began working away at it when he heard footsteps coming from his stairs.

"Hey, Boss," Tony said. He walked down the steps and leaned up against a wall.

"You talk to Ziva?" He said, resuming his work without a greeting.

Tony scoffed. "She's furious with me," He paused. "Should she be?"

"What do you think?"

"I tried to do the right thing. I wanted to make sure she didn't die. I wanted to make the rest of the team didn't die,"

"I know," Gibbs agreed.

"I didn't want to hurt her… I didn't know she cared so much," He said softly.

"She _is_ your partner,"

"There was nothing she could have done," Tony said.

"Except catch Rivkin,"

"Whose side are you on, Boss?"

Gibbs smirked. "I don't have to be on anyone's side. I'm _your_ boss and _her_ boss,"

"But--"

"You understand _why_ she's so mad, DiNozzo? Her partner was murdered," He walked over to Tony.

"I'm fine!"

"Yeah, that's what Vance said. But not to her. To her, you still died on her watch,"

"Like I said, she couldn't have done anything,"

"It doesn't matter. You remember when Kate died?" That struck the right cord.

"Yeah, I do," He said as he began to understand.

"Then give her a chance. She lived for four months thinking she was responsible for your death. She didn't _smile_ for four months. Hardly talked. This is not her fault," At that moment, Gibbs' hand connected with Tony's head. Tony opened his mouth, but Gibbs was faster. "That was for thinking it was your fault,"

Tony sighed and looked down at the ground. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Listen to her," Gibbs said as he returned to his boat with a warning glance at his agent.

"And then?"

"Prove it."

* * *

Tony sat at his desk. It was strange, being back. Wearing a suit. Investigating. It had been three days since his fight with Ziva and his conversation with Gibbs. Four months since he "died." Ziva sat at her desk across from him, working through a pile of paperwork.

"So this is what it musta felt like when you got your memory back," He mused.

"Yes,"

"It's weird. I mean, I'm glad to be back. It's really great actually. I love having an apartment I don't share with 5,000 other people. It's great not having to wake up every day at five AM to work," He rambled.

"But you still do," She said quietly, not looking up.

"Yeah… how'd you know?" She didn't reply. "Figures," He muttered. Her ninja stealth skills were impeccable and untraceable.

Across from him, she was trying to deal with herself without dealing with him. Her heart was filled with rejoicing, yet clouded by anger and hurt. She knew she couldn't go on like this forever. She trusted him with her life, yet he didn't trust her with his. Yet somehow, his smile…

Her thoughts were jolted to a halt at Gibbs' announcement to the team.

"We have ourselves a visitor," He said, walking into the room. His arm was around the shoulders of a young girl.

"Sandy!" Tony called out, a grin on his face. "How've you been?"

"Good. I'm twelve now," she said proudly in a very grown up manner. "I just wanted to stop by and say hi," She said.

"Hey, Sandy," McGee said, standing. He walked over to the girl.

"Hi, Agent McGee,"

"You have a great memory," Tony commented.

"Thanks… Why don't you introduce me to your friend?"

"Oh, right," He said, looking over at Ziva.

"Sandy, this is Ziva. Ziva, meet Sandy,"

"Hello, Sandy," She said smiling. Ziva noticed her distant eyes and realized that the young girl was blind, but nonetheless a sweet girl from what she could tell.

"We met Sandy back in 2004,"

"I was kidnapped," She said matter-of-factly.

"But she was very brace and she helped us break the case,"

"Wow, congratulations,"

"I helped find my mom," She explained. "Where's Kate?"

Tony glanced at Gibbs, who took the situation in stride. "You thirsty? I think we've got some pop in the back,"

"Sounds good," She said as he put his arm around her shoulders one again, leading her to the break room.

"Brave girl," Tony mused, his eyes following them. "She was only seven when she and her mom were held kidnapped and held for ransom,"

"Why was it an NCIS case?" Ziva asked.

"Her dad is a Navy Captain," he answered. "Not many girls are strong enough to go through what she did," He said.

"No, not many," Ziva agreed quietly. He looked down to see her eyes soft and sad. When she met his eyes, she stood abruptly and walked to the break room to meet Sandy and Gibbs once again.

Ziva entered the break room tentatively. She saw a solemn Sandy sitting at one of the table, a forgotten can of pop near her hand. Gibbs saw Ziva's distraught appearance.

"Ziva, stay with Sandy. I'll be back," He said, leaving the room.

"You can come in," Sandy told Ziva, who was standing in the doorway. "Agent Gibbs just told me about Kate,"

"Yes," was all Ziva could find to say.

"Did you know her?"

"No, I never had the pleasure,"

"She was really great," Sandy commented. "I'm gonna miss her,"

"Lots of people do," Ziva agreed.

"I'll bet Tony does," Sandy said, taking a sip of her pop.

"Yes," Ziva said again.

"So how'd you figure out I'm blind?"

"I like to think I'm observant," Ziva replied.

Sandy smiled. "I am too. I can see things other people miss,"

"That is an excellent quality," Ziva said.

"Why is Tony acting so weird?"

"I do not know," Ziva replied after a moment.

"I think you do,"

"How is that?"

"He hesitated when I asked him to introduce me to you. You hesitated when I asked about him,"

"You _are_ observant," Ziva agreed. Sandy sighed and shook her head with a small smile, giving up. "Do you ever wish you could see?"

"Sometimes. I wish I knew what my mom's smile looked like," She replied thoughtfully. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it, but finally decided to speak. "What does Tony's smile look like?"

"Tony's smile?" She nodded. "Well… It's very wide. His teeth are spotless when he remembers to brush," Sandy laughed at this, and Ziva smiled in return.

"But what about when he's happy? I mean really happy, not just okay. What does it look like then?" She said. Her voice was curious, and her tone was much more mature for one so young, but the sparkle in her own smile kept her young.

"When Tony is happy, his smile says that everything is all right in the world… That the skies are clear and the birds are singing. It's the kind of smile that makes you know you can't be mad for long, especially, when he's the one who you're mad at… And when it meets his eyes… You know it will all be okay. And then you laugh," Ziva said, her voice becoming soft, as if recalling a memory.

"You laugh?" Sandy asked, her eyebrows raised, bringing Ziva back to the present.

"Because whenever he smiles like that, he's bound to make a joke at the same time," Ziva and Sandy laughed, knowing this to be true.

"I think you should forgive him," Sandy finally said.

"And why is that?" Ziva asked, her heart tugging, knowing she was right. This little girl was far too smart for her own good.

"Because he deserves a second chance,"

* * *

Ziva looked out over the squadroom from the balcony above. She had just come out of a meeting with her father in MTAC, one that was particularly grueling. It had taken some convincing, but she had been able to persuade him to let her stay once again.

Below, Tony and McGee sat at their desks working silently. It was a familiar sight, one her heart had ached for all those months. She felt like she should be down there with them, even if they weren't doing anything important, but she wasn't sure if she could.

_He hurt me_. _He left without saying goodbye. He didn't trust me._

_He came back. He saved my life._

_A second chance?_

Gibbs came over and leaned on the balcony beside her. He didn't say a word. He just looked at her, his piercing blue eyes saying it all.

"I know I should, Gibbs. I know. But he did not trust me. Why should I trust him?"

"He's your partner,"

"And I was his. But that ended when he didn't trust me enough to help him,"

"It wasn't that, Ziva,"

"Oh really? Then what was it? Tell me, because I would certainly like to know,"

"He didn't want you to die,"

"Oh well great then. Good for him. I'll be eternally grateful," She said sarcastically.

Gibbs straightened up and looked at her once more, a much more serious expression on his face. "Listen. DiNozzo is your partner. You two need to cut this crap and find a way to work it out. You're partners. You're my team. My team doesn't turn on each other. You get your act together. You give him another chance,"

"I gave him one, after the Grenuille case. He is all out of chances,"

"He messed up. I get it. But he was willing to risk his life for you, so if this is how you want to repay him, pack your bags and go back to Israel," Gibbs walked away, coffee in tow, an air of frustration left behind.


	17. Destruct

**A/N: So I decided to put up a new chapter earlier than planned because I was just dying for some action. **

**Yes, I did see the new episode and OHMYWORD. Yeah. I was. Well. Yeah. It was amazing. I forsee a lot of trust issues (Hmmmm!) and angst for a while to come. I don't know if we'll see any romantic moments, but I doubt more than a meaningful look—the kind that says a thousand things without uttering a sound—you know, the kind they have down pat? Yeah, that one. I'd kill just to see it before the end of the finale. I have a lot of other theories and ideas too. So excited. So beyond thrilled.**

**Oh, just thought I'd share with you how devoted I am to NCIS (*wink!*) Okay so I've spent all day at Disneyland and we get back to the hotel. It's nearly 10. I know I missed NCIS and I wasn't sure when CBS would put it online. So I finally get the Internet to work. I did get to watch it. But because of the **_**extremely**_** slow connection, I had to let it load for about two minutes to get one minute of viewing. In other words, it took me an hour and a half to two hours to watch a 43 minute and 27 second show. And while I was waiting, I read for history homework. The next night I came home and watched it in HD on our 52" screen and **_**letmetellyou**_**. It was so pleasing.**

**So yes. It just goes to show that I really am one of you crazy NCIS fanatics. I tried not to admit it. But hey, y'all are stuck with me now. ;)**

**Disclaimer: Pfft.**

* * *

_Beep…beep…beep…beep…_

Ziva rolled over in bed and opened her eyes. _4:30_.

The alarm clock beside her sounded far too similar to the machines at the hospital. It had been nearly a month since then. It had been nearly 5 months since the fire. It felt like a lifetime ago, like a nightmare that had happened years ago. It felt foggy yet clear like the blue skies in June.

She pulled herself out of bed and threw on her jogging clothes. As she closed her apartment door behind her, she realized she forgot her phone. Running back inside she grabbed it and was about to close the door when something caught her eye.

To her door was taped a single white rose with a small card attached. Opening it up, she saw the familiar handwriting and almost smiled.

"_I'm sorry._

_-T"_

It hadn't been there a moment ago when she had left the first time. Ziva looked around. No one was in the hallway, no shadow passed down the stairs. The street below was quiet as she looked out the window near her door. She pulled out her phone from her pocket and dialed his number.

"Tony," she said as soon as he answered.

"I'm not expecting you to forgive me yet. Take as long as you need. I just thought you should know," He said before she could say another word.

"I… appreciate it. Thank you,"

"Any time," He answered, and then promptly hung up.

Ziva was stunned.

* * *

"McGoo," Tony said, throwing a crunched piece of paper at the agent across from him.

"Yeah," He said without looking up.

"I'm bored,"

"Did you finish your paperwork?"

"It was too boring,"

"You know you can't leave until you finish it,"

"I'll get it done… Just not yet,"

Tony threw another paper at him. McGee sighed. "What, Tony?"

"Talk to me,"

"Fine, you want to talk? Don't say I didn't warn you. But I gotta know: is Ziva still mad at you?"

"I don't want to talk about it," He said, turning back to his desk.

"You did a minute ago,"

"I meant about movies or the weather or something,"

"Then you shouldn't have let me pick the topic,"

"I didn't,"

"Yes you did,"

"Fine, I did, now go back to your paperwork," Tony said. "I'm heading out for coffee," He got up.

"You're not supposed to--"McGee said as Tony grabbed his things. "Leave," The elevator dinged.

Tony sat on the floor and looked around. The distraught expression on his face had scared away the two probationary agents that had been waiting for the elevator, so he was alone as the elevator slid down the floors. It reached the bottom floor momentarily, opening to find the two women who worked at the desk on the ground, their hands over their heads in surrender, and the two security guards shot to death near the door. In front of him stood a figure dressed in all black, semi-automatic in his hands, and face masked. He turned around at the ding of the elevator, eyes filled with fury.

Tony began to reach for the gun at his side when the man stopped him. "Don't you dare. Give it to me," He ordered, motioning Tony into the lobby as he took hold of Tony's SIG. Reaching into the elevator, he flipped the Emergency Off switch. "What's your name?" Tony stopped near the large circular desk in the center of the room.

"My name's Tony," His mind was racing, searching for a way to solve this. "What about you?"

"It does not matter," The more he spoke, the more Tony noticed his accent. It was similar to one he had heard in the past. One he couldn't quite remember.

"Okay, then what does matter?"

"This,"

"And what is this?" Tony coaxed.

The man shook his head. "No, no, no. I need to see Agent Gibbs," He was growing agitated and frantic. He knew he didn't have much time. After all, he was in the Washington Navy Yard.

Tony thought quickly. "I'm Agent DiNozzo. If you let me use my phone, I'll call Agent Gibbs down and you two can do whatever it is you need to do,"

"I just want to see Agent Gibbs. No one else. And do not let on. Do not tell him I am here. Tell him I am someone else," He said forcefully, his gun aimed at Tony. "One wrong word I don't like and you die,"

Tony nodded slowly and calmly. "I'm reaching into my pocket for my cell, okay?" He dialed the familiar number. "Hey Gibbs,"

"Ya," Gibbs answered. Tony was calling him "Gibbs". He never did that. "Where are you? I thought I said no one leaves until they finish their paperwork,"

"Yeah I know. Stepped out for coffee. Listen, there's someone down here in the lobby to see you. A friend of a friend,"

"Who?"

"He says he needs to see you," Tony said. And then it hit him. "I think he knows one of Kate's friends,"

Gibbs stopped in his tracks. "Tell me about him,"

"Tell him he has two minutes,"

"Says he needs to see you… Don't tell anyone,"

"I'll be right down,"

"Use the stairs," Tony added just before Gibbs hung up. "He'll be right down," Tony said as he met his captor's stare. The man took his phone and set it behind him on the desk along with his gun.

"No tricks,"

His gut had been right. He knew Ari.


	18. Loose Ends

**A/N: Hey so thanks for the reviews. I love you all fabulously.**

**This is the new chapter. Things are about to get hinky. **

**Did you see the extended promo and preview of Aliyah? Check out CBS on Youtube. It's a lot of craziness. Four days!**

The door to the right of the stairs opened slowly, revealing Gibbs. The man had his gun poised for fire as Gibbs walked out slowly, hands up.

"Special Agent Gibbs, how good of you to come,"

"Okay, you know my name. How about I know yours?" Gibbs said, lowering his hands tentatively.

The man eyed him. "You can call me Elijah,"

"Okay, Elijah, what is it you want?"

"Nothing,"

"Then why are you here,"

"To finish what was begun,"

"And what would that be?"

Elijah laughed a little. His eyes were dark, filled with hate. He began to pace, but his eyes and gun never left Gibbs. "A number of years ago a man began a mission that was never completed,"

"And who was this man?"

"I think you know,"

"Make sure,"

"Ari Haswari," Tony looked at Gibbs. He showed no sign of fear or intimidation. This was the Gibbs he knew.

"So you're here to kill me then?"

"Precisely,"

"Then why didn't you do it already?"

"Do not tempt me,"

"You're at the Washington Naval Base. How in the world did you get into NCIS without being noticed?" Tony spoke up.

Elijah smiled. This felt so unreal. De ja vu. "Ari was my mentor,"

"Body bag," Gibbs said. Elijah nodded. "You'll be leaving in one,"

"Yes, I suppose,"

"Why kill me?"

He shrugged. "Ari's decision, not mine. I am the last member of our team,"

"You mean terrorist cell," Tony corrected, looking defiantly into his dark eyes.

"I am simply completing the task given to me,"

"Ari's dead. You don't need to do that," Gibbs reminded him.

"I do. And I will," He blinked a few times and shook his head.

"So why haven't you killed me yet?" Gibbs asked.

"I need one more person to join our party," Elijah looked at the two men before him. "Ziva David," Tony swallowed nervously. Elijah must have caught this, because he picked up his phone and began to press various buttons. "You know her," He said knowingly, a sly smile on his face. He tossed him the phone. "Call her. Tell her… Elijah is here," Tony caught the phone, his eyes never losing contact. "Good catch…And remember, it is on speakerphone,"

"Yes, Tony," She answered.

"Ziva, I'm in the lobby,"

"Then why are you calling me? I am upstairs,"

"Elijah is here,"

Silence.

"What does he want?"

"To kill you," Elijah answered for him.


	19. Unsure

**A/N: So yesterday I posted, thanking you all for your reviews. Then I actually looked at the review count. Dang! You guys are so sweet! Ok, you want it in perspective? I got all teary-eyed, okay? So today is a little gift to you. A nice long chapter. No worries, much more is brewing. Buckle up.**

Ziva's mind was racing. Elijah. He couldn't be here. No. This wasn't right. He was… No. And Tony… Tony was down there, with him, most definitely being held at gunpoint. And where was Gibbs? Ziva looked back at the squadroom as she opened the door to the stairwell. McGee was sitting at his desk, but Gibbs was nowhere to be seen.

_Tony_. She couldn't lose him again. No, not again. She couldn't handle it. But if she went first…

Ziva reached for the door handle, her gun cocked.

"Ah, Ziva. Welcome," Elijah said. He pulled off his mask. He looked so much like Ari that her heart ached. She looked over. Tony and Gibbs were standing near him. Elijah's gun was pointed at Tony.

"Elijah," He motioned to her gun, and she reluctantly handed it to him. Time was running out for him and he knew it.

"Oh, now, that is quite a cold greeting. Come, give me a hug," Ziva moved closer to him and he embraced her with his free arm, kissing the top of her head. She shivered in disgust. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Tony stiffed even more than he already had, if that was even possible.

"Do what you need to do. Just let everyone else go. I'm the one you want," She said, pulling away from him.

"Ah, not quite. I must kill Gibbs too," He said, his smile was calm and professional, but his voice was beginning to shake ever so slightly. Ziva noticed the beads of sweat on his forehead.

"Why?" She was taken aback.

"My mission," He said casually.

"Your mission?"

"Correction: Ari's mission,"

"_Ari_?" Ziva's eyes widened as she stepped backwards.

He smiled and cocked his head. "He was my mentor. The rest of our team is… gone. It is up to me now to finish what was begun. And that is, I must kill Gibbs, and I must kill you,"

"I was never in Ari's plan,"

"No… but you _did_ kill him," Ziva just stared at him, refusing to let her facial expression to change. "And you are wondering how. Yes, well do you remember that office where you and Gibbs had that little talk? I know you do. Well, long story short, it was bugged. Too easy, I know. Too simple. That's what I thought too when Ari first told me. But the man, he was a pure genius. No one would ever guess it would be so… simple. Brilliant, yes?" He said.

"If Ari knew I was going to kill him, then why didn't he kill me first?"

Elijah sighed a little. "Ah, well, he knew his time was running out. His _group_ had found out that he was working for Mossad,"

"It wouldn't have mattered to him," Ziva said.

"No, perhaps not, but perhaps he did have a heart after all. What kind of a heartless person could kill their family?" He said, staring at Ziva. His eyes were as cold and harsh as his words.

Tony was watching her intently. She wasn't sure if he had already known, but the pain was exuding from him.

"You do not have much time left, Elijah," Ziva finally said. "Any moment there will be armed soldiers coming through those doors. There is probably a dozen snipers surrounding us. You only have time for one shot. So shoot me," Ziva began to walk towards him slowly. "I killed Ari. He was your hero, your mentor. I shot him. I had the gun in my hand. It was all me," She was now only a foot away from him. Tony stood several feet away from him. Ziva was putting herself in the direct line of danger. She was putting her life on the line. "A life for a life," Tony's heart physically ached. She couldn't do this. He had to figure something out, something to save them all. He glanced over at Gibbs. He could tell his boss was trying to find the same solution.

Elijah was panting by now. "You sick?" Gibbs asked, taking a small step forward.

Elijah glanced at him. His eyes were wild and he seemed to shake as he stood before Ziva. "I am fine,"

"Not you're not. You're sweatin' like a dog," He replied as Elijah raised a hand to wipe his brow. "You've got a minute at best to make your move. The second my guys get in here, it's gonna be hell for you. I hear Gitmo's great this time of year. That is, if you make it that long," He began to walk slowly towards him, not breaking eye contact with the man before them. "The only reason you're alive right now is because I'm in the way of the snipers. If I move over just a foot, you don't even get to finish your mission,"

Elijah began to blink and sway from side to side. He began to lift his gun once again, but his hands were shaking. "You do not want to do this. I am armed with C4…" Gibbs was practically hovering over him now. "Stop. Just stop," Elijah began to protest. Tony took a step closer to Elijah as he saw Gibbs signal "C4" to the windows behind his back. He knew what Gibbs was doing. "No, I must finish my mission! I must fulfill my duty!" He said, his accent growing thicker until he fell into his native Hebrew. "Must… finish… my mission…" He raised his gun and Gibbs nodded slightly to Ziva. Just then she pulled the gun from his weak hand, but not before a shot went off in desperation.

It was then that all hell broke loose, Gibbs' words like a prophesy. Dozens of armed Naval officers rushed into the room. Tony and Gibbs were ushered outside before they could say a word. Tony looked over his shoulder, but he didn't see Ziva following them. Before he got a chance to look again, he was pushed further outside to the parking lot. More officers as people was rushing around him, sirens wailing and civilians and Navy personnel fleeing from the surrounding buildings. He looked around him, but there was still no sign of her. _That gunshot…_

"Boss," Tony finally said.

"I know, DiNozzo. I know," He said as he looked around too.

"Where is she? You don't think--"

"I think you need to sit down a breathe for a second, okay? Just calm down," Gibbs said forcefully, though he meant well. Tony understood and let himself crash to the ground, arms resting on his knees, eyes wildly searching the crowds. His heart beat fast and he hardly noticed the people surrounding him. He hardly noticed when Gibbs left him in the parking lot. He wouldn't see anything until he saw her. To know she was okay. Finally unable to handle the not knowing, he stood and began to search for someone. Anyone. Anyone who could tell him. Of all people, he should be involved in this. He had first contact with Elijah. He was in there. He was her partner. He shoved his way through the crowd back into the building.

"Sir, you can't do that," a woman called.

He flashed his badge. "My partner is in here," He said, ignoring whatever reply she shot back at him. A dozen people stood in a circle in the center of the room where it had gone down. "Come on, let me through," He was terrified to know, but he knew he had to.

"Tony," He heard a muffled voice call. Finally he made it through the group. On the floor, Ziva leaned against the desk. A few feet away lay Elijah, a gunshot clear in his chest. Bomb squad was hovering over him, dealing with the C4. Around them stood several EMTs. He bent down to her eye level. She had an oxygen mask pressed to her face.

"She got the wind knocked out of her with the butt of the gun," explained an EMT as she handed him the mask.

"You okay?" He asked, helping her up.

"I am fine," She said weakly. He didn't say anything. Neither did she. For several moments they just looked into each other's eyes, thankful to be alive, thankful to be safe.

He reached into his pocket and dialed Gibbs' number once again. "He Boss, I found her. We'll be out in a minute," He didn't break eye contact with her as he spoke with Jethro. He hung up, and finally decided to say something. "You sure you're okay?"

She nodded. "Yes," was all she could say.

"Come on, let's go get some air," He said. He so wanted to put his arm around her, but he couldn't. He couldn't take that chance. Instead, they just walked out into the quad of the Washington Naval Base. Finally they found a bench under a tree, ignoring their responsibilities at NCIS that would require their statements and other protocol. "That was…"

"I know,"

"You put your life on the line for us. For Gibbs and the secretaries,"

"And you," She added, not looking at him. _But mostly for you_.

"Thanks," He managed.

"You are welcome," She said.

"You killed Ari?" He finally said, looking out at the busy scene in front of them. No one seemed to notice they were missing.

She nodded. "Gibbs asked me to back him up,"

"You killed your half-brother for him,"

"I shot a terrorist," She corrected him.

"Same person,"

"Not to me," Ziva said quietly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked after a minute of silence. "Didn't you trust me? Even after all these years, you never said anything,"

"You did not need to know," Ziva looked up at him, her eyes speaking volumes more than words could have. "So I _do_ know what it feels like,"

"Then you know I wanted to tell you,"

Ziva sighed. "This was different?"

"How? How was this different?"

"If I told everyone that I killed Ari, I would have faced serious consequences. I would have been abandoned by my father, discharged from Mossad, or worse. I could not take that risk,"

"I couldn't risk your life either, Ziva! I couldn't risk killing you with my own hands!"

"And yet I nearly died anyway," She said, her tone harsh.

"Yes, that's exactly it. You almost died and it was my fault," Tony stood in frustration.

"Then you should have thrown yourself in front of me if you really cared!" She stood to meet him, her eyes wild with anger.

"And why didn't I?"

"Because you obviously don't care and you obviously don't trust me!"

"Maybe I did what I did because I _do_ trust you!" Tony threw his hands in the air. He sighed. Ziva looked down, avoiding any chance at eye contact. "I am so tired of fighting, Ziva,"

"So am I," She said softly, echoing a conversation they had had so long ago.

"Things aren't supposed to be like this, not with us," He insisted.

"Yes, they are. That is what we do. We drive each other crazy. We fight. We disagree,"

"Maybe it's time it stopped," He said, walking away.

"Tony, do not do this," She called out after him, but he waved his hand, never looking back.


	20. Fix

**A/N: I keep forgetting to fix my formatting. So sorry! Today should be better!**

**So here's the new chapter. Finally got to Chapter 20! I didn't think we'd get even past Chapter 5, but I couldn't stop writing. Lucky you! This has turned out to be my best story every, thanks to you fabulous people.**

**K, so here we go. More angst, I know. It sucks. But hey, these two are the most complicated people on the planet. It only suits them. We're catching up to the amount I've actually written of this story, but I'm sooo not done writing yet, so that's OK.**

**So how am I doing? What am I missing? What would you like to see more of? Less of? Review and let me know. The more you tell me, the more you'll enjoy this story. It's a win-win situation, yes?**

* * *

Abby stared at the wall angrily as she latched onto Bert in frustration.

"Abigail?" Ducky said, walking into her lab. She didn't budge. "Abigail, is something wrong?"

"Yes, something _is_ wrong," She said, finally breaking her pose. "Tony and Ziva are fighting,"

"That is not uncommon with them, my dear,"

"It shouldn't be. Ziva thought he died. He faked his death to save her. He came back. She's mad at him. Then she puts _her_ life on the line for _him_ and _he's_ mad at _her._ Something's wrong with this picture, Ducky!" The doctor just looked at her with sympathetic eyes. "Partners don't just give up on each other! They don't just throw it all away when they have something good going! They had something and then they ruined it!"

Ducky shook his head. "These things take time,"

"Why, Ducky? Those two are like Shaggy and Scooby-Doo. Okay, bad comparison, but you know what I mean,"

"Anthony and Ziva have personalities that are polar opposites. He hides behind his humor. That is his way of survival. Ziva hides behind her strength—it's the only way she knows,"

"You just proved my point. They're both hiding to survive. They both have a lot in their past and they've always gotten on just fine. Better than fine, actually. But now they're destroying it because of their stupid pride!" Abby threw her hands in the air in frustration, ignoring the fact that Bert had fallen to the ground. "I'm right. I know I am,"

"You are, my dear. You are," Ducky agreed, putting his arm around her comfortingly.

* * *

Tony stared at the hotel's small screen. The suite was small but it would have to do until he found a new apartment.

He was watching My Fair Lady. Audrey Hepburn had proved to be his guilty pleasure, especially in this early-60's film. Tonight he sat on the couch watching such a movie.

"But I'm so used to hear her say, 'Good morning' every day... Her joys, her woes, her highs, her lows, are second nature to me now, like breathing out and breathing in... I'm very grateful she's a woman, and so easy to forget! Rather like a habit one can always break... And yet... I've grown accustomed to the trace... of something in the air... Accustomed... to her... face," sang the lonely Professor Higgins who had fallen for the defiant Eliza Doolittle. Tony paused the movie. This was killing him. He was turning into Higgins, and Ziva was his Eliza. No, not his. Not anymore. Not ever. He had butchered all chances with her when he tried to protect her. She didn't want him or his help. She obviously didn't need him around. So he wouldn't be. But oh, she'd regret it.

Tony rubbed his hand over his face. "I am turning into Higgins," He lamented to himself. Suddenly a knock sounded at the door. He sighed and stood up to answer. Opening the door, he found an angry Gibbs storming through. "Boss," He said, surprised.

"I don't know where to start, DiNozzo!"

"How about the beginning?" Tony said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"You screwed the pooch on this one. Ziva is your partner. You don't just give up on your partner! You don't abandon them, especially when things get hard! At the end of the day, when you don't have anyone else, you have your partner. You fix this!"

"Well she obviously doesn't want that,"

"And how would you know that?"

"Because she told me,"

"You talked to her?"

"Of course I did, DiNozzo,"

"Well then what _does_ she want?"

"You find out for yourself. You got yourself into this mess. You get yourself out of it," He said, storming out.


	21. Penetrate

**A/N: Things are about to get a whole lot more angsty. It's gonna suck. But hey, it's fun, so here we go!**

**I'm absolutely thrilled for tonight. Unfortunately, I ate all the ice cream while watching Semper Fidelis last week, so I have no yummy snack to mindlessly eat while I watch with a wide open jaw, shocked and close to tears or jumping up in down. I suppose cookies will have to do. Anyone have something they'll be munching on tonight?**

**Is anyone going to the live chat with Cote de Pablo and Pauley Perrette today? It's at 1 PM PDT at . I'll be there as AutumnGray!**

**Dang. I'm excited.**

**Just thought I'd get that out.**

**Here's your chapter.**

**Oh, and thanks for the reviews.**

**You're fabulous.**

**Really.**

**This be the truth.**

'**K, later.**

* * *

Ziva looked out her window. It was four-thirty in the morning, and the sky was just beginning to show signs of light, though it was still dark as night. Her long silk robe was wrapped around her and her brown curls were cascading about her shoulders. She leaned up against the tall window and looked out over the DC skyline. It was familiar. It was calm. It was so unlike that of the skyline in Tel Aviv, yet there was something about it that beckoned her like nothing else. It was a quiet morning. Few cars passed the streets, wet with rain which had paused momentarily.

So much had happened in the past months. So much had changed. And now, she didn't know where to go from here. She had ruined everything. She hadn't meant to. She was protecting him from the truth he didn't need to know… Just like he had for her. Everything she had done—putting her life on the line, keeping the truth from him—it was all because he meant so much to her. He meant everything to her.

Her heart was not one easy to win. She had kept up that barrier around it for so long. It had become impenetrable. Unfortunately, she hadn't.

* * *

"That's it," McGee said. All three team members were sitting at their respective desks. "You have to stop getting into trouble. I'm sick of doing paperwork and I think we'll be doing it for the rest of our lives unless you two get your act together," He said, closing yet another file only to open another.

Tony spread his hands a little and put on his most charming grin. "Sorry, McGoo, I was just doing my job," He said, a hint of mocking in his voice. McGee smirked. He didn't seem to mind the teasing as much this time—Tony was _alive_. He was actually missing it, and now that he was back, he didn't care… At least for now.

Tony turned back to his desk, avoiding even looking Ziva. He wasn't sure what to say. Heck, he wasn't even sure what he felt. He didn't know what he wanted to do. But he was pretty sure Gibbs would keep them on paperwork and cold cases until he and Ziva worked it out. For the past two hours, he'd been sitting at his desk, idly trying to figure out how to do that, typing now and then to be convincing for the other two.

Ziva was hard at work, like always. She was always focused, always concentrating at the task at hand. Tony smiled, remembering when she had butchered that idiom on an undercover operation with her. Those days were perfect. Those days were so long ago…

He knew it was childish, avoiding this apology. He knew he owed her one. He knew Gibbs was right. He just wasn't sure if he could suck up his pride and tell her so. And there were so many things that needed to be said, he didn't know where to start. Tony felt like his heart was about to burst. He couldn't go on with this for much longer. He was a ticking time bomb. And she was the trigger.

He swallowed. "How's your tea?" He asked, gesturing to the cup on her desk. Never mind that she had gotten her tea three hours ago and it had been long finished.

Ziva closed her eyes as her head was bent down, hovering over the paper in front of her. She didn't say a word. She couldn't.

"Hey, did ya hear me?" Tony tried again, his grin fading. Still no answer. "Listen, I--"

"I cannot talk right now,"

"Oh yes you can," Gibbs said, striding into the squadroom. Both of you. Come with me," The two looked at him, confused. "_Now_!" The stood and followed him into the elevator. He walked in and shut it off. "I can't afford to have my agents fighting. You need to fix this. Partners don't turn on each other. They stick together. Espciallly _my_ agents. You work this out before I relocate the both of you," He turned on the elevator and the doors opened to the squadroom. "No one leaves this elevator until you work this out, got it?" Ziva and Tony nodded in turn, allowing the doors to slide shut.

Tony turned off the elevator, but only in submission to Gibbs. "Great," He said sarcastically. "Do you think…?"

"No, we cannot fake it. Gibbs would know," Ziva said.

"Yeah, you're right. Gibbs always knows…" Tony said. "So…" Ziva just stood there, not making eye contact. "Come on, don't do this to me,"

"Do what?"

"Well I guess the better term would be, 'Don't not do this to me.' You haven't looked me in the eye for a week,"

Ziva looked up at him, finally making contact. "There. Happy?"

"No, I'm not," He said.

She sighed. "What do you want me to do? This was _your_ decision,"

"My decision? What, to lose my partner?" Tony said, his voice raising slowly.

"You didn't lose me. You chose not to deal with the issues at hand. _You_ were the one who walked away,"

"You didn't give me a chance!"

"I gave you every chance. But you did not take it. You gave up," She said confidently.

"I gave up because I was tired of fighting!" Tony defended.

"And I agreed. We could have ended it right there and then but you walked away," Ziva said. Her eyes bore into his.

"I didn't think you wanted that," He said quietly.

Ziva took the slightest step forward. "We are partners. We do not just give up on each other," She said, sure of what she was saying.

"It wasn't entirely my fault," Tony said.

"I know," She said softly. Regretfully.

"I never meant to hurt you,"

"I never meant to hurt _you_," Ziva said in turn. "I was only doing what I thought was right. I couldn't let you die. Not again," She said.

"I never died in the first place,"

"You have died twice before, Anthony DiNozzo. First I watch your car get blown up. Then I see your apartment burnt to the crisp, and you lying on the bed… Enough was enough," She said, unable to finish her sentence.

Tony stood there silently, listening to her, really listening. "Ziva, I--"

"I do not want to hear it. I do not want to hear any more excuses. We have both exhausted every lie in the novel,"

"Book," He corrected.

"Whatever," She said dryly. "I want this to end,"

"How?" He asked.

She looked at him, unsure for the first time of what to say. "I do not know, Tony,"

"Well, please tell me it has something to do with a pizza," He said, sitting down on the floor of the elevator.

"There you go again! Hiding behind your jokes, your humor. You cannot do that forever, Tony!" She said, throwing her hands up in the air in frustration.

"I know," He said seriously. "But it's better than just killing people when I get frustrated!"

"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked, her eyes burning like fire.

"You don't have control of your temper. You're nothing but a killing machine," He said coldly.

Ziva stared at him. He had hit her right where it hurts. Her mouth was open as she stood there, stunned. "Who are you?" She pulled the emergency switch and pressed the ground floor button. The tiny room was icy as it slid down to the lobby. She began to walk out when she turned to him once more. "You are not the man I thought I knew,"


	22. One Partner

**A/N: Another short chapter, but I might update again tonight. I needed to take a break from posting so I could actually write more of the story and get the details worked out properly. I know this story is super angsty, but hey, don't blame me. Blame the writers and producers. :P Anyway, I am lucky to be able to write about such fabulous characters, so it's all good.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS.**

* * *

Ziva walked to a secluded corner of the Naval base. She didn't have her gear with her, so leaving the Base was out of the question; getting back into Headquarters would be hard enough without her ID. She paced back and forth under the blanket of trees, mumbling in frustrated Hebrew. He had gone too far this time. He crossed the line. He had become someone else entirely. Had the Tony she had fallen in love with really died in the fire? Certainly the man she had just been fighting with was not him. He was cold. Heartless. But his eyes… You can't fake those eyes.

Ziva pulled out her ponytail and ran a hand through her hair before putting it up again absentmindedly. How could she ever waste her time on him? How could she ever waste her heart on him?

"Ahh," She muttered, clenching her teeth. A Naval officer walked by, giving her a confused look. "I am fine," She said unconvincingly, and he went on his way. But she wasn't. She was angry. She was frustrated. She was hurt. She wasn't as strong as she thought she was.

* * *

Tony sat in the elevator, alone. It was a small, cold elevator, and it had grown colder since he had, well, opened his mouth. He had killed it. His last chance. His only chance. He had let his stupid pride, his stupid ego, get the better of him. Again. Someone would pay. And it would be him.

Eventually, the elevator found its way up to the squadroom. Gibbs walked in promptly and turned off the elevator. He sat down beside Tony on the floor.

"Figures you'd find me," Tony said dryly.

"I thought I told you neither of you could leave until you worked it out," Gibbs said, turning to him.

"You did,"

"So what happened?"

Tony was quiet for a moment. He stared down at his hands. "I said something stupid," He gave a small, frustrated chuckle.

"What'd you say?"

"I told her… I told her she was a killing machine,"

Gibbs turned back towards the doors. "That was stupid,"

"Yeah, I know,"

"I'm tired of trying to fix your problems," Gibbs said.

"I tried fixing them on my own. It got me killed. Nearly got her killed,"

"So what are you gonna do about it?" Gibbs asked. His voice was low, like it always was when he was especially serious.

Tony stood, and Gibbs followed suit. He turned on the elevator once more He pulled out his badge, NCIS ID, and gun. "Here," Tony said. "I've got one partner and I lost her. I can't work with anyone else," He said quietly. With a ding, it opened to the squadroom floor, and Tony walked out.

* * *

Gibbs walked into autopsy the next morning. Ducky sat at his desk alone, waiting.

"Duck," Gibbs greeted him.

"Jethro," Ducky replied. "I finished the autopsy on--"

"Elijah,"

"Yes. I found two nine millimeter bullets in his heart, only an inch apart,"

"Ziva's," Gibbs confirmed.

"She is a good shot. He died instantly. Only, I found that he was dying slowly as well,"

"Whatdya mean, Duck?"

"He had overdosed on cocaine,"

"Suicide?"

"Not likely. He had never used it,"

"So how'd it get in his system?"

"I found traces of it in his stomach,"

"He was poisoned." Gibbs confirmed.

* * *

**So how's that for a chapter? Yeah, I know. Review and tell me what you think.**


	23. It Gets Worse

**A/N: So I'm, sad to say that I finally finished writing **_**All We Are**_**. It should be finished posting within this week, maybe next. It was the best thing I've ever written—I really enjoyed it and I thank you to everyone who's shown support through reviews and alerts and subscriptions. You're so great.**

**Here's this week's chapter. A lot will happen. **

**A while back, actually, before the shootout with Elijah, I had thought I finished the story and I had written an ending I liked, but the characters hadn't developed enough, much less the plot and action. So I chucked that and began to write a new segment which evolved into these next chapters, and a few of the previous ones. So after this story is finished, I'll post the alternate ending. Where do you think they'll make up?**

**For every chapter there was a song or two that inspired the tone and the entire chapter itself, so I'll be posting that too for your viewing pleasure, and maybe a few lines of the lyrics that brought it to life.**

**Until then, enjoy this bite of cake.**_Two months later._

* * *

Tony sat on a bench on a busy street. A guitar was in his hands; the strings, the smoothness of the wood, its scent—it felt so familiar, yet so out of place. He hadn't played since that night Jenny sent him undercover as a crazy hobo singing nonsense. But today he didn't sing. He just sat there, playing the notes that seemed to flow through him. The birds seemed to whistle in tune with him, and the sound of the cars in front of him faded away. There was no badge, no gun, nothing to hold him back. Today it was just him.

"DiNozzo!" Cried the voice in his head. Tony stopped playing and discreetly adjusted the earwig in his ear.

"Hm?" He said, trying to be inconspicuous.

"Any sign of him?"

Tony shook his head, just a little. He began to strum his guitar softly once more, looking out at the street before him.

"Alright, well, keep looking. We've got our eyes on you," The voice said again.

* * *

Ziva walked down the long metal corridor. All around her Navy personnel went about their business. She adjusted her backpack which was slung over her shoulder and turned a few more hallways before entering the miniscule NCIS headquarters on the _U. S. S. Seahawk_.

"Commander Keller claims not to have seen anything, but he was the only one in the room when Lieutenant Smithson died," Ziva announced as she closed to the door.

McGee was sitting at the borrowed desk of Special Agent Morris, the NCIS agent on the ship, clicking away at his computer. Gibbs stood beside him, listening.

"Convenient," McGee commented.

"No joking," Ziva said.

"Kidding, Ziva. The word is kidding," McGee said, looking at her. Her eyes were distant. She had been distracted since they had gotten on the ship, but now it was worse. Even the simplest of American expressions had become difficult for her. Tim exchanged a look with Gibbs.

"You okay, David?" He said, sharing Tim's same concern.

Ziva's head snapped to Gibbs. "I am fine,"

He eyed her for a moment, but she didn't blink. "We should interview anyone who knew Smithson,"

Gibbs was quiet for a moment as he continued his piercing stare. "Alright. You get on it. McGee, you finish going through his computer,"

Ziva nodded and left the room once again, Gibbs following her with his eyes.

"You think she's alright?" McGee asked. "She's been off since we got here,"

"Do you know why?" Gibbs turned to Tim.

"Tony was here," McGee said, his voice low and understanding. "Have you heard from him?"

Gibbs was silent for a minute before he opened the door. "No, I haven't," He said, shutting the door behind him.

* * *

"How long did you know Lieutenant Smithson?" Ziva asked. A pad of paper and pen were in her hands as she sat at a table in the mess hall. Lieutenant Frees sat before her as she interviewed him, nervous and fidgeting.

"'Bout a year, ma'am," Ziva flinched. She hated being called "ma'am", though she understood the Lieutenant's polite intentions in doing so.

"Had he been acting strange lately? Anything seem on about him?"

Frees smiled. "I think you mean 'off,' ma'am, but yes, he did seem off. I didn't ask, though,"

Ziva held Frees' file in her hand and she began to flip through it. "It says here you enlisted in the Navy a year and a half ago, but you were in the Army before. You left on an honorable discharge, but I have noticed that most people stick with one section of the military," Ziva commented. "Why did you leave the Army?"

Frees looked down. "People change, ma'am. I loved the Army. But my commanding officer… He burned me, ma'am. Framed me for murder and gamblin'. Army CID proved my innocence but he ended up goin' to jail. After that I needed a change of pace. Got myself an honorable discharge since I had seven years of service behind me, but I didn't know anything else other than how to serve my country. Decided to try the Navy and it worked out alright,"

"Still, that is a big change,"

Frees paused. "Have you ever trusted someone completely, only to have them turn on you?"

Ziva nodded a little. "Yes, I have,"

"I tried to be strong. But it was just too much. I tried," He said quietly.

Ziva paused, and set down her pen. "Have you ever met a Marine Lieutenant Tony DiN—rather, a Marine Lieutenant Tony Ryan?"

"Why, ma'am? Is he involved in this?"

"No, no he isn't. He was here a of couple months ago for a week or two and I was just wondering if you had met him,"

"I did, ma'am. He was sleepin' on an empty bunk in my sector,"

"Tell me about him," Ziva said softly, fingering the pen lightly.

"Didn't know him long, but he's a good man. Strong sense of justice I think," he said. "Kept lookin' at this—this picture. I think of a girl or somethin'. I asked him about it and he wouldn't say anything, but once I heard him mutter to himself about she was the only woman he ever loved. Bit of a romantic, I guess," He laughed.

Ziva smiled, but then let it fade quickly.

"Hey… Hey do that again, ma'am,"

"Do what?"

"Smile," Confused, Ziva complied.

"You looked happier in the picture,"

"What?"

"That picture he was always starin' at, it was of you,"

The pen fell from her hands, and all of a sudden she felt as if she were suffocating. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Ma'am, are you alright? How did you know Lieutenant Ryan?"

"I… I do not know. I have to go," She said, picking up her paper and backpack. She practically ran down the long corridor, nearly running over multiple people in the process. She coerced a seaman to get her access to a satellite phone. She dialed Abby's number, her mind reeling.

"Abby Scuito, your fabulous forensic scientist at your service!" Piped the familiar voice.

"Abby," Ziva said.

"Ziva! How are you? Hey when are you coming back? I'm getting lonely!"

"Abby, I need a number,"

"Okay, whose?"

"Tony's,"

"Tony? I—I don't have his number,"

"Abby, when Gibbs retired you were the only one he gave his number to. Tony did the same; I am sure of it,"

"Ziva," Abby said.

"Please. I need it,"

"Alright, got a pen?"

Ziva paced the floor as she was waiting for her call to be connected. The number Abby had given her had sent her through three other people, and her patience was running out.

"Yeah," He answered.

"Tony," Was all she could think to say.

"Ziva? How'd you get this number?"

"That isn't important. Tony. I talked to Lieutenant Frees, on the _USS Seahawk_. He told me about the picture,"

"Listen, I know I should have thrown it away, but--"

"He told me what you said about it. That the person in the photo was the only one you had ever loved," Tony was silent. "How could you say that, Tony, then call me a…" Ziva sighed, unsure of what to say. "You do not make any sense,"

"I know," He finally said.

Ziva was quiet for a moment. She took a breath and closed her eyes, moving on. "Where are you, anyway?"

"I can't talk about that here,"

"What do you mean? Of course you can,"

"Not where I'm at,"

"Tony, I was put through four different people just to get you here. I had to practically threaten them," She sighed. "I am tired of lies. Just tell me the truth,"

"Ziva. I can't talk right now. I have to go. I'll try and contact you next week," He hung up.

Ziva walked back out, slightly stunned. She handed the phone to the seaman who had been waiting outside, a perplexed expression on his face.

"Miss, is there something I can help you with?" He called after her. She barely heard him. Like a ghost, she walked into the room where Gibbs and Tim were working, silently, neither word nor sound escaping her. The things Tony had said… They were a contradiction. No, they were an oxymoron. He felt one thing but said another? Part of her was leaping for joy. All those months he had loved her. All those months he sacrificed everything for her. But the other part of her was screaming in anger. He knew which buttons to push. What he called her—that hit deep, and that hit hard.


	24. One More Fight

**A/N: Hola. You guys broke 200 reviews. Dang. I am honored and so thankfuk. Y'all are wonderful. I know I say it basically every chapter, but it's true, so you'll have to deal with my praises. Life is hard, yes?**

**Another lovely angsty chapter for you. But here's to things looking up, right?**

**Happy belated Memorial Day. I went to our local cemetery today to visit my grandfather's grave (He was a WW2 veteran. And you know those yellow emergency air masks in airplanes? Yeah, he invented that a few years later. :D) and the Boy Scouts had planted American flags by each veteran headstone. It was super sobering. I kept thinking, "I feel like I owe these men and women." It was… well, it was. **

**Have a lovely day!**

* * *

They spent a week more aboard the _Seahawk_. Ziva attributed her distracted behavior to the flu, but Gibbs and McGee knew better. They graciously took the brunt of the work, but Ziva could feel their eyes on her whenever they were around.

The case had ended, tied in a neat little bow. A Captain Keller had been found grossly guilty of the murder of Lieutenant Smithson. No tricks, no twists, no firefight. His conviction in court would be an easy one, and the evidence that had turned up had all pointed to him. Keller, of course, denied all charges.

As Gibbs led the team back up to deck, he couldn't get the irritating feeling in his gut out of his mind. It was all there—the facts, the evidence… All that was missing was motive, and the Navy had decided all was well without it. It was a mar on their honor, and part of Gibbs was willing to move on, but that nagging feeling in his gut…

The sound of roaring engines, landing and taking off, blasted on the deck as they walked out into the bright sunlight. A seaman was accompanying the team onto the deck. The gear was in the provided helicopter already. All that was left to do was leave.

The sound of helicopter propellers began to grow louder. Gibbs glanced at the sky. Above them was a helicopter, and it clearly was not Navy. Gibbs squinted at the sight, ignoring the chaos surrounding them at the possible threat of a foreign helicopter.

Inside was a sniper.

* * *

"Everybody down!" Gibbs cried. Guns were produced by Navy personnel all around. Shots began to fly from the ship and from the air. Before long, the helicopter was crashing in a vicious flame into the water.

Ziva fell to the ground at the first shot. She hadn't even had time to pull out her sidearm. She lay on the ground silently. No one even noticed as they rushed ahead of her, leaving her alone. The burning pain in her upper torso made her want to scream out, but there was no use now. She couldn't be the infallible assassin. She couldn't get up. She couldn't fight back when there was no one to fight for. Gibbs and McGee would be fine. But she wouldn't. There was no use. Ziva watched the commotion above her as if it was another world, perhaps a dream. But amongst the five thousand faces that passed above her, the only one she saw was five thousand miles away.

Ziva's eyes closed as she became soaked in her own warm blood that was spilling out of her at alarming rates.

Gibbs ran over to her a moment after the first shot. He saw her go down from a distance. He saw her eyes closed. It had all passed in a few mere moments. He felt her neck for a pulse. "She's alive," he said quietly to McGee, who stood behind him. "Go get help!" He yelled. "Come on Ziva, fight, just one last time," He whispered.

* * *

Gibbs stormed out of Ziva's hospital room, her cell phone in hand. He had gotten McGee to find Tony's number on it. He didn't need to ask her if she had called him. He just knew.

"Yeah," Tony answered typically.

"Tony, Ziva got shot,"

"Boss? What? What are you talking about?" He sounded confused, as if he was returning to reality from another world.

"She got shot, DiNozzo,"

"Is she okay?"

"We don't know yet,"

"Who?"

"His name was Jason Connors,"

Tony sighed. "Crap,"

"What?"

"I was supposed to be looking for him,"

"What do you mean?" Gibbs raised his voice a decibel.

"Where are you?" He asked, ignoring Gibbs' question.

"Cartenaga,"

"Okay, don't move. I'll be there," He said, hanging up. Gibbs smirked. Perhaps DiNozzo had become much more like Gibbs than he thought.

* * *

Tony sat in the crowded airplane, feeling more uncomfortable than ever. It was because of the older gentleman beside him who seemed to exude with hatred toward everyone and everything and complained about all things, from the lights to the color of the cushions, or the woman on his other side who reeked of vinegar and moldy cheese. No, it was the knowledge that he could have done something. The knowledge that he could have saved her. The knowledge that he failed his partner, maybe even killed her. He knowledge that he may have killed the woman he loved.

He ran a hand through his hair and scratched at the mass of stubble on his chin. He had been hiding behind sunglasses for the entire flight for a number of reasons, but right now he was glad that no one could see the sting of the tears that threatened to fall.


	25. I Need to Say

**A/N: Hello my fabulous friends. So you liked yesterday's chapter? Me too. ******

**Today's chapter is all about conversations. I think there's a lot that needs to be said, not just on this story or on the show, but between us and our loved ones. If you care about someone, tell them. Don't wait until tomorrow because there might not be one. Don't wait until it's too late show that you care.**

**So there's my soap box theme for the year.**

**I am so grateful to USA Network for saving my sanity. There's nothing better than waking up and everyone else in the house is asleep and turning on an episode of NCIS. It's so awesome. Oh, so my dad and I came up with the best idea ever. Ok so I'm homeschooled so next year for school, I should take a Critical Thinking class where I have to watch at least 2 hours of NCIS. It's great. We've got Professor Gibbs, guest Doctors, (Ducky), the class clown(Tony, of course), the intimidating but exotic young woman that every man wants but can't have except for Tony, lol (Ziva), the computer geek (McGee), the goth science fanatic (Abby), the yard duty (Vance). If only such classes were real.**

**Anyway, here we go. Enjoy!**

* * *

Tony barged in through the doors of the hospital, and after ten minutes of interrogating a particularly determined nurse, he found his way to Ziva's room. Gibbs stood outside the room, leaning up against the wall. Tony slowed as he neared Gibbs.

"Boss," He said. Gibbs looked over at him. "What happened?"

"We were about to board a helicopter to take us back here before goin' back to DC. Sniper came before we got on. Shot her down. One bullet," He said simply.

Tony began to pace. "This is my fault,"

"Why is that, DiNozzo? Why were you lookin' for Connors? Who are you working for?"

Tony sighed and stopped pacing. "I've been undercover for OSP for a month and a half now,"

"You quit," Gibbs said.

"Which made me the perfect candidate for an undercover op. They needed someone who knew the ropes but was unattached. I fit,"

"You still part of NCIS?"

"Not officially," Tony said. "Connors was a contract-killer. He shot down at least a dozen people in the last four months. Always got away before anyone could get to him,"

"What was his connection to Ziva?"

Tony rubbed his face with one hand. "Elijah hired him. Three months ago. Said if he died before Ziva did to take her out,"

"Why'd he wait two months?"

"He has a long list of living clients,"

"Ah," Gibbs said. "Elijah was dying," He said.

"What do you mean? He was dying before he got shot?"

"Cocaine overdose. Wasn't a user,"

"So how'd he get it in his system?"

"Elijah had a bad case of migraines. Took pills a few times a day. An old enemy replaced the regular pills with ones dosed with cocaine,"

"Wouldn't he have died sooner?"

"The amounts weren't large, but it was enough to kill him slowly as long as he kept takin' 'em. The stress sped it up, but the bullet got to him first,"

"This 'old enemy'… He didn't have any connection to Ziva? No one else we know?"

"Nope. He's doin' time now,"

"Good," Tony said.

Gibbs nodded. He glanced back at Ziva's room. Doctors were swarming inside, discussing this and that in Spanish.

"Is she gonna be okay?" Tony finally said.

"She lost a lot of blood. Took her to the hospital onboard. By the time we got her on MedEvac, she had lost too much,"

"Is she gonna pull through?"

"She's always been strong. Until recently, anyway," Gibbs said. "Hasn't been getting much sleep. Distracted. Confused,"

"It's my fault,"

"Yeah, it is, DiNozzo,"

"Yeah. Thanks,"

"You know better than to expect me to lie to you. She lost her partner,"

"For the last time, I'm not dead,"

"That's not what I meant," Tony looked over at Gibbs. "You gave up on her. She needed you and you gave up,"

"I didn't want to," He said quietly.

"The woman loved you. How do you think that made her feel?"

"She didn't love me, Boss. That much I know," Tony looked down.

"You don't know crap,"

"Did she tell you?"

"She didn't need to. She's nearly died four times because of you,"

"She was only doing her job. And I only counted three,"

"The time she thought you were dead nearly killed her,"

A pang of guilt shot through Tony, only adding to the burden he had been carrying for months. Tony slumped down to the floor.

"You're right," Tony whispered. "She was right," He couldn't lose her.

"Yeah. I know," Gibbs said. Tony smirked, but then it faded as he closed his eyes in frustration and pain.

"I can't do this, Boss," Tony said. "Why do we always hurt the ones we love most?" He said softly. His voice was barely audible.

"You love her, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked, though he already knew the answer.

Tony smiled and chuckled a little. "Yeah. I think I do. Didn't know 'till last summer when I was an agent afloat,"

"Then why didn't you call?" Gibbs asked, his eyes raging. "Yeah, I know about that too,"

"Figured I'd never see her again. And even if I did, I figured she wouldn't care. Regretted it the second I saw her though, with you, here in Cartenaga," He smiled at the memory, and at his foolishness.

"She was your partner,"

"And she was obviously busy,"

"Morocco," Gibbs remembered.

"And Rivkin,"

"Still, ya didn't know,"

"My gut," Tony explained. He ran a hand through his hair. "And when I did find out about Rivkin… Just thought any chance there may have been was gone,"

"You made a few stupid moves this past year,"

"I know," Tony said, his fingers linked around his knees casually. "You think she'll ever forgive me?"

Gibbs shrugged and then got up. "I'm headin' out for coffee," Tony nodded without looking up. "And DiNozzo: remember what your CO taught you."

* * *

Tony sat beside her bed all night. For hours she slept in a medically-induced coma, not stirring, not moving. And neither did her. He couldn't fall asleep. It wasn't that he was in an extremely uncomfortable folding chair and he had taken a fourteen hour flight from Los Angeles to Caternaega. It was knowing how much he hurt her, and how close he had come to losing her.

The doctors had said they wouldn't know how she was actually doing until she woke up, and this didn't help to comfort him at all. The weight of an airplane pushed his shoulders down, but his eyes wouldn't leave her face. It was still, almost peaceful. But it was missing something. Ziva looked as if she was missing a part of her; like she didn't want to wake up at all.

The next morning, Ziva's eyes finally opened. Gibbs was off aboard the _Seahawk_, yelling at Eli no doubt.

She turned her head to look at him. "Hey," He said weakly. Her eyes were full of hurt.

"Tony,"

"Hey," He said again, unable to think of anything else to say.

"Why are you here?" She asked quietly.

"My partner got shot,"

"I am not your partner,"

"But you're mine," She winced slightly in pain, both physical and emotional.

"I'm so sorry. This is my fault," His voice was about to break. Tears stung his eyes once again and he quickly wiped them away.

"Is it," Her tone was that of a statement, rather than a question.

"Yeah. I… I was undercover for OSP, unofficially. I was supposed to be looking for the guy that… the sniper,"

"Why did he want me dead?"

"Elijah's back up plan,"

She nodded a little. She couldn't look at him again. She could barely say a word. "Where is Gibbs?"

"Coffee. McGee too," He explained.

"Ah," Her voice was audible now, and she tried to sit up.

"You shouldn't do that," He said, standing and gently pushing her down, careful to only touch her good shoulder. He poured her a cup of water and she took it tentatively.

"I will be fine, yes? I will be able to go in the field again?"

"I dunno. Doctor should be in. I'll go find him," He walked towards the door.

"Tony," She said suddenly as he opened the door.

"Yeah?"

She didn't say a word. She didn't know what to say. For a moment they shared a small gaze, like the way they used to. He gave the smallest inkling of a nod, and left the room.

Ziva sat in her bed. There was so much she wanted to say to him. She wanted to yell at him. Scream at him. Hit him. Shoot him… Touch him. Cry on his shoulder and then hit him again. The man was so… so complicated. She hated that word. But it was true.


	26. Keep Me

**A/N: So yes, they're finally talking! And they're on the same continent! A step, yes?**

**I know today's chapter is short, but tomorrow's chapter is juuuuuuciy. I can't spoil you guys—I love you too much! So gimme just a 'lil' patience. I promise the wait will be worth it.**

**I went to Walmart the other day and saw the TV Guide Magazine with Tony and Ziva on the cover and nearly died. Since it was from a couple weeks ago, it was the last copy in the store. Yes, I left the store with it in my hands. It was well worth the $2.99. I need a subscription to this magazine someday…**

**Okay, enjoy. ******** And don't forget to review! I write because I love to write—I don't write to make y'all happy (But I do like you to be happy, hence the reason I write… Yeah.), but I do **_**post**_** to make you happy. So if you want me to post, you're gonna have to let me know about that. Otherwise, I might just let this drag on and on and on… Or I'll kill Tony for real this time. So, you can choose. ;)**

**I'll leave you with those happy thoughts.**

**Much lovin',**

**Autumn**Tony walked out of Ziva's room. He had seen the doctor in, and she was now looking Ziva over.

* * *

"I don't wanna leave her alone in there," Tony said, glancing back to the door as he walked over to Gibbs across the hall.

"Ziva's fine,"

"I should be there,"

"The woman needs to focus on getting better. You can talk to her in a few minutes,"

Tony sighed and took a breath. "You're right,"

"Yeah," Gibbs agreed with a half smile. He promptly gave Tony a headslap.

"Ow!" Tony cried, rubbing his head. "Dang, it's a good thing we're in a hospital. I forgot how much these hurt,"

Gibbs smirked. "Don't let it happen again,"

"Well actually, that's something I wanted to talk to you about," Tony said, recovering himself.

Gibbs eyed him. "You want to come back,"

Tony nodded. "My partner needs me,"

"And you need your partner,"

Tony swallowed. "I miss my job,"

"Oh don't give me that crap," Jethro laughed. "Don't think for a minute that I don't see right through that,"

"It is true though," Tony insisted. "I need to be back at NCIS,"

"You come back and you're not leaving until you're dead,"

"Fine. That's what I want," Tony agreed, his eyes serious.

Gibbs stared at him for a moment, his eyes searching. "Alright,"

At that moment, the doctor opened the door. "You can come in now," She announced in her thick Spanish accent. McGee came up behind them, coffee in hand. Tony went in first and went to stand beside Ziva, where she was lying in bed, but sitting up and looking brightened and awake.

"Hey," He said with a smile. She gave a smile in return. "How's she doin'?" He asked the doctor who stood at the end of the bed, clipboard in hand.

"Miss David shows good signs. The surgery did its job. She will be soon done with transfusions. She'll be released in a day or two. A nurse will be in to change the dressing every four hours, and she will be on antibiotics and likely pain medication for the next five weeks as she recovers. After that she will need some physical therapy to regain the best use of her shoulder,"

"So I can go back out on the field?" Ziva asked.

"Yes, with the proper care,"

"How long?"

"A month, if you follow all of my directions. And I suggest you find a good doctor in the States,"

"Understood," Ziva smiled. The doctor walked out of the room.

"That's great news, Ziva!" McGee said.

"Yes, it is. I cannot wait to get out of here," She said enthusiastically.

"You're looking a lot better than when you first got here though," McGee commented.

Ziva laughed. "Thank you, I think so too,"

"How you actually feelin', David?" Gibbs asked from the back of the room.

"Much better, despite the hole in my shoulder," She said.

"Good to know you still have your sense of humor," Tony said, grinning.

"I did learn from the best," She said, looking up at him with a smile.

"McGee, come on. I need some food," Gibbs said, seeing that they needed a moment. He gave Tony a warning look as he walked out the door, and Tony replied with his own silent stare.

"So," Ziva said.

"So," He said in turn. He took a breath. "I'm coming back to NCIS,"

"You are joining OSP?"

"No. I'll be back with Gibbs and McGee and you by the time you get back to work,"

Ziva was silent. Inside she was leaping with joy, but she wasn't sure what to say. "Why?"

"I miss my old job," Her heart fell and she looked away, to the window on the other side of her bed. "I miss my team and it'd take too long to train another partner to put up with my movie trivia,"

"I have never put up with it," She said, laughing a little. "And besides, a new partner would be like starting with a clean blackboard,"

"I like the old one just fine," He said, ignoring her mistake. "That is, if you'll have me,"

"I suppose. It'd take too long to train a new partner not to mess with me," She grinned.

"Good," He said with a smile as she smiled right back up at him.


	27. Start of Something Beautiful

**A/N: Hello. Thanks for the reviews—there have been some really good ones as of late.**

**I had an idea. If enough people want to do it anyway. You post a question for me in your review, and at the end of the story, I'll reply. Like, anything—about me, about the story, how I write, about NCIS—anything. Just for the heck of it. Sound ok?**

**I hope you guys read the chapter titles-- I put a lot of thought into them. Sort of. :) Anyway, today's title is a line from "All We Are" by Matt Nathanson. It was featured in Season 5 episode 2 "Family", when Tony chooses the team over ver Jeanne. I love that episode-- it's one of my favorites for a heck of a lot of reasons. Anyway, that's the song that inspired this entire story. Every day is the start of something beautiful.**

**Here's today's juicy chapter. Hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

Tony stood in front of the large windows at NCIS HQ back in Washington, D.C. The skyline was foggy, though the softest yellow began to highlight it behind the silhouette of the buildings, monuments, and trees. The sun had just begun to rise, but he had been standing there for much longer. No one was around. No one was there to criticize him or hurt him or shoot at him or get in his head. This morning, it was just him and his thoughts.

He had come so close to losing her. Why does it always take tragedy to make one realize how much they have to lose? To remember their failures? To regret their mistakes? To admit the truth? Was he that ignorant? Couldn't, for once, it be simpler?

The team would be in soon. She would be in soon. Would she speak to him? He wasn't sure. Would he speak to her? He wasn't sure about that either. In fact, he wasn't sure about much of anything at all right now. Except that he loved her.

"You are here early today," the familiar voice sounded behind him. He didn't turn around.

"Didn't hear the elevator," He said. His voice wasn't cold. It was just… Hurting.

"I took the stairs,"

"It's your first day back. You got out of the hospital only five days ago. Shouldn't you be taking it easy?"

"Old habits die difficult, yes?" She leaned up against the brick wall beside the window, looking at him.

Tony smiled and looked down. "Hard, Ziva. Old habits die hard,"

"Which is why I knew you would be here,"

He finally looked over at her. The glow of the sun shone gently on her face as she looked at him with a soft smile. Her arm was a little stiff; He could tell. "How did you know that?"

"The same way I knew you still get up at 5 AM every day. You are a Marine," She explained.

"I had only been a Marine for a couple weeks when I came back,"

"Once a Marine, always a Marine," She said. Her smile had faded, but not because she was sad, or in pain, or suffering in anyway. Tony nodded thoughtfully, in agreement. He clutched his dog tags he always kept in his pocket, pulling them out. He opened his hand to show her. She took them from his hands, examining them.

"Anthony DiNozzo. US Marine Corps," She read, surprised. "I thought you were undercover,"

"This is the only record of Anthony DiNozzo ever being in the Marines. Everything else says my name was Tony Ryan,"

"Why did you risk it?"

Tony shrugged and looked back out the window as he too leaned up against the brick opposite the window.

"Wanted to remember who I was. Few things reminded me of that. My dog tags. My need for coffee,"

"Tony--"

"Please, Ziva. Just let me say something. I was wrong. A lot of time. I was stupid and selfish and I… You're not a killing machine. I know that," Ziva gazed at him taking his words in. He sighed. "I should have told you about the fire, about everything. But I can't change the past. Not now. And I shouldn't have left. That was my worst mistake," His eyes spoke volumes more than even his words did.

"Tony--"She tried again.

"I shouldn't have given up. Not on you, not on… us. You're my partner. And I guess… I guess I forgot what I learned in the Marines: Semper fidelis. Always faithful. Always," He said, taking a small step forward. He shook his head a little. "I don't deserve it. But I'm asking you to… to forgive me.

"Tony--"

"I would rather live the rest of my life fighting with you than living without you," He said, taking another step toward her. "I should have told you. I shouldn't have kept it from you,"

She looked at him for a long moment.

"I know why you did," She said, her voice steady and her eyes understanding. She took a step closer to him, her hands in her back pockets. She looked down, then back up at him, into his eyes. There was so much that needed to be said. "You made a good Marine," She handed back his dog tags.

He smiled, but then it fell, just as hers had done earlier. He stared back out that window. "Every day we narrowly escape death. There's a lot of near misses and almosts. And I guess we're all afraid that one day, it's gonna be our last. We can only miss death so many times before…" He let his voice trail off before speaking again. "Some days our job sucks,"

"We hear all the time that killers, the worst ones, that they don't feel anything. That they're incapable of it. No remorse, no regret. Maybe we just say that to explain it away. Maybe we just say that because we don't understand. Because we can't fathom how a person can take away a life so heartlessly, without a second thought. Maybe because we just don't want to…You got to be a hero. I got to be a villain," Ziva mused, her voice growing with pain by the second.

"What are you talking about? You mean with Rivkin?"

"You are not the only one with regrets. I killed all those people,"

"There was nothing that could have been done,"

"I lured him out there. I just wanted it to be over with. I wanted to have a suspect in custody. I wanted to be safe. I wanted you…" She didn't finish her sentence. A tear stung her eye and she ran a hand over her ponytail. "I wanted things to be fixed. But I killed hundreds of people instead. The largest massacre in Washington, D.C.,"

"Ziva, did anyone ever tell you how many people died?" He asked, concerned.

She shook her head. "I refused to listen. I knew,"

"Ziva, only five people died, including Rivkin,"

"Perhaps so, but what do you tell the child who watched his mother scream for help? What do you say to the woman who can't find her husband for over an hour, worrying and wondering that he might be dead? Can you imagine how scarred these people must be? At least if you are dead, you do not have to deal with it, but these people have to live with it for the rest of their lives. And it was all because of me,"

He took a step forward and touched her check gingerly. "It's not your fault. Do you hear me? There was nothing that could have been done,"

"There should have been," She insisted.

"There wasn't," He said, looking down into her eyes, trying to convince her of what he knew was true.

She nodded and smiled a little. "I know," She put a hand on his arm, in thanks.

For a moment, he thought about kissing her. There, before the DC skyline. In a sweet, foggy dawn. In the silence of the building in which they both felt most comfortable.

And then the silence ended.

"Morning!" McGee chipped up from behind them. Ziva's hand fell from his arm, and Tony's fingers fell from her face faster than lighting.

"Good morning, McGee," Ziva said with a smile. That was something McGee had always liked about Ziva. No matter how much she joined Tony in teasing him, she was genuine when she said her good mornings. Always with a smile. And for the first time in six months, he saw that smile again.

"McGoo," Tony said, his charming grin covering his face. He said it this morning affectionately, having missed the way things used to be. This was a step to that.

"Morning, Tony," McGee said, placing his cup of coffee on his desk. "Your first day back, huh?"

Tony sat in his chair and leaned back, his head resting in his hands. "Yep. Feels good to be here,"

"You first day back too, Ziva,"

"Yes, it is. You are here earlier than usual today,"

"I have some extra paperwork I've been procrastinating on since we got back from Cartenaga," He explained as he began to type wildly. "Where's Gibbs? He's usually here by now,"

It was then that Tony's phone rang. "DiNozzo," He answered.

"Got a dead sailor. 26481 Capernum Way,"

"That's only a few streets down," Tony said.

"Yeah. Must be your lucky day," Gibbs said, hanging up.

"Finally a crime scene that's not three hours away," Tony said, getting his gear together as the other two followed usual suit. Maybe, just maybe, there was hope.

* * *

**So I know it wasn't incredibly juicy. No kiss, I know. We'll see how it goes.**

**And don't forget to review if you like a living, breathing (Sort of… he is a fictional character, after all…) Tony, then let me know what you think. I want you guys to be wowed. So what would wow you? And don't forget to post your questions too!**

**Autumn**


	28. Indentify

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and the questions. Keep them coming! I'll answer them in a few days.**

**Today's chapter is below. Not much to say about it, but I hope you enjoy it. It's more like a stepping stone.**

**I'll post again soon. Love you all! Don't forget to review!**

Tony pulled up the van to the crime scene. It was a residential neighborhood, and the family, friends, acquaintances, and passerbys began to crowd around the yellow tape. In the center stood several Metro PD officers, Gibbs, and the body. The body definitely appeared to be Navy—he was clad in a pair of khakis. His dog tags were lying near the body, which was facing down. Ziva was taking photos and McGee was collecting evidence.

"Looks like someone scratched off everything but the 'U.S. Navy' on these," He said, looking closer at them.

At Ducky's nod, he and Palmer turned over the man, only to discover his face was completely disfigured and unrecognizable.

"How long, Duck?" Gibbs said.

"Has he been dead? About two days, give or take a few hours. I'll know more when I do the autopsy," He said, looking over the body.

"ID?" Gibbs asked Tony.

"Nah, no wallet. Anything identifiable on his uniform has been taken off. Guess we'll be relying on DNA," Tony said.

"Someone went through a lot of trouble to cover up his identity," McGee put in.

"Guess they didn't think about the uniform," Ziva mused, snapping another shot.

"Matthew! Oh, Matthew!" Sobbed a blond woman, trying to cross the yellow tape. A PD officer took her by the arms.

"I'll take it from here," Tony said, walking under the tape and leading the woman to the park across the street.

"Is that my husband? Is that him?"

"I'm Special Agent DiNozzo,"

"My husband… is that man over there… Is that him?"

"Tell me about your husband,"

"His name is Matthew, Matthew Cunningham. He's been missing for two days. He's in the Navy. We live just down the street…He has short brown hair just like that man over there," She said through her sobs, her words barely intelligible. "Is that him?"

Tony handed her a tissue. "We don't know yet,"

"Well when will you know?" She said, her voice weak and blue eyes flooded with tears. Tony could practically hear the sound of her heart, beating fast with the ache of not knowing.

"It's gonna be a couple days. What's your name?"

"Julia," She said, sniffing.

"Julia, did you file a missing person's report?" She nodded. He eyes didn't leave the scene behind him. "Okay. I'll call you if we find out anything, alright? Here's my card. You call if you need anything, you understand?" She nodded as a PD officer that Tony had motioned to come over took her away gently. He followed her with his eyes.

"Wow," Ziva said from behind him.

"What?" He asked.

"That was very caring, Tony," She commented, almost sounding surprised, but somehow not. In truth, she was proud of him.

"Yeah, well, I can't imagine seeing a body and then wondering if it's your husband," He said. He realized what he said, and shot his eyes back to Ziva. "Ziva, I--"

"It is alright, Tony," She said softly.

"I just wanted to protect you," He said sincerely.

She nodded, the slightest glimmer of tears in her eyes. "When they said you were dead…" She opened her mouth, but couldn't find the words. She looked around, avoiding his gaze. She laughed a little. "That morning, before I got the call from Gibbs, I just… I could just feel it. I knew something was wrong, something was different about that day,"

"Gibbs said you were pretty out of it," She nodded. "I am sorry,"

"I know," Ziva said, her eyes kind. She touched his arm, and walked away.

It was a step.


	29. Rule Fifty

**A/N: Dang you guys are so cool. 286 reviews? I can't believe it. I never thought I'd get more than like, 50. **

**So, thank you.**

**Today's chapter faces something that's been neglected for a while at the mercy of Gibbs: Rule Twelve. Enjoy!**

**2 chapters left. The next one is extremely short, but the one after that… Oh dang.**

**Don't forget to review with your questions for the Q&A! Any more questions sent by PM will be included in it, fyi.**

**Review if you like. **

**Love you!**

* * *

The days seemed to go by quickly now. Things were more normal than before, but every time they talked, they both felt the air of unspoken words that needed to be said. They hadn't had a serious conversation since the day at the crime scene near the park, but they were finally able to work together again, in the way they used to. Even the banter between the entire team had come back, and Gibbs was giving away headslaps once more. Things were better, but not the best.

Gibbs sat at his desk, working through a stack of paperwork Vance had given him three weeks ago. As good as an investigator he was, he felt it wasn't his job to go through job applications, but it was either that or cold cases for a month. Ziva and McGee were out grabbing lunch and coffee respectively, and Tony was left at his desk, unwillingly sharing in Gibbs' paperwork.

Tony glanced at his boss who was squinting at the papers below him. Tony looked over at Ziva's desk and smiled at what he saw there. He stood and picked it up and walked over to Gibbs, handing him what he found.

"Your glasses, Boss,"

"Thanks," Gibbs murmured. Tony stood there, unsure about asking what he needed to ask. "You need somethin', DiNozzo?" He said, not looking up.

"I have a question," Tony said.

Jethro sighed and set down his pen. "McGee got over this two years ago. You've been doing this job for how long?"

Tony smiled, then moved on. "When I handed you my badge and gun and ID… You just let me go. You fought everyone else who's ever tried to quit. Why not me?"

Gibbs stood and walked around to the other side of his desk to meet Tony. "You've worked for me for seven years,"

"Eight," Tony corrected.

"I knew you knew what you were doing. I didn't blame you. I mighta done the same thing if I was in your place,"

"Really, Boss?" Gibbs nodded a little. "How'd you know I wasn't gonna go do something stupid and get myself killed?"

" 'Cause you're not stupid," He said.

"Thanks, Boss,"

"Welcome. Now go finish that paperwork," He said.

"Oh, and Boss," He said turning around once more. Gibbs looked up expectantly. "About Ziva--"

"I've got rules, DiNozzo,"

"Rule Twelve: Never date a co-worker,"

"Yeah," Gibbs confirmed.

"You never said anything about falling in love with one," Tony said.

Gibbs set his glasses down on his desk. "I know,"

"So…"

"I've got another rule though,"

"Which is…?" Tony said, almost afraid of the answer.

"Never break your partner's heart," He said, staring Tony straight in the eye, reading his every move, and almost every thought. "Rule fifty,"

"I won't,"

Ziva walked into the squadroom just then. "Won't what?"

"Won't forget to finish my paperwork before I leave," Tony grinned at her as she squinted at him, wondering if it was a lie or not.

"Hm," She smiled a little as she sat down at her desk. Tony and Gibbs followed suit as McGee walked in, a tray full of coffee in his hands. Gibbs looked across at Tony. Tony nodded at him ever so slightly, making a silent promise.


	30. Selfless Love

**A/N: I lied. There's actually 2 more chapters. But this one is super short. But it's good.**

**I can't believe this story is nearly over! It was so amazing to write! I have no idea what I'll do next. Probably finish Here I Lay and maybe do another oneshot. I have a new oneshot, btw. Check out my profile.**

**Don't forget to review and send in your questions.**

Tony and Ziva ran into the house. They cleared the first floor. No suspect, no victims, no suspicious activity. For a week they had been chasing a serial killer, and finally they had spotted his location. The house they had arrived at was on a secluded piece of farmland in the middle of nowhere. Gibbs was on his way with McGee. Tony and Ziva had been waiting in the car just down the street, keeping an eye on the house while waiting for the rest of the team, but only a moment after hanging up with Gibbs, they heard the sound of a single gunshot.

After clearing all the rooms on the first floor, Tony motioned to Ziva and he ascended the stairs, Ziva on his six. They cleared the first several rooms, but as the neared the other end of the hallway, a faint beeping grew louder and faster.

"No," Tony said as he entered the last room. Their serial killer lay dead on the ground, gun limp in his hand, bleeding out of his forehead. His eyes flitted to the object beside him: a bomb. "Ziva," He pointed.

She swallowed. "I can disarm it," She pulled out her knife and took a step forward.

"No, we don't have time. There's fifty-five seconds left. I need you to get out of here," Tony put up a hand.

"I have disabled bombs in less time than this," She said, trying to push past him.

"You don't have nearly enough time to win this argument. I'm not gonna risk this. You get out of here, Ziva. Do you hear me?"

"Tony--"

"I'm gonna photograph the evidence," He said, pulling out his phone. He glanced at her, her eyes determined and yet horrified.

"Tony, do not do this,"

"I'll be down in a minute,"

"I'm not leaving,"

"Please," He said, his eyes desperate. The beeping was increasing by the second. He looked at her, his eyes pleading. Ziva was struggling to be strong, trying to find a way to force him to leave with her. He moved over to her and put his free hand through her hair, pulling her to him. He kissed her forehead. "I love you," He whispered. "Go. Go now!" He yelled. Taking one last look at him, she ran down the stairs and out the front door. She barely made it off the porch when a thunderous explosion sounded behind her and threw her to the ground.


	31. I Will Be Here

Tony awoke with a start. He was sweating, but when he rubbed his tired eyes with the back of his hands, he noticed that he had been crying too.

It had all been a dream.

Every moment.

None of it was real.

Not the explosion at the house, not Elijah, Rivkin had never been there, Ziva never lost her memory, and he had never faked his death. It had all been a dream.

Not a moment, not a second of it had been true.

His tears were.

What if he had lost her? What if she had lost him? What if he came into work and she wasn't there?

Tony rolled over onto his side, checking the clock. 5:26. Ziva would be on her run now. She would be running past the Capitol in fifteen minutes, assuming she kept with her usual schedule.

Maybe he had a chance.

The dark sedan sped up, meeting Ziva. She checked it out with her peripheral vision, eyeing it carefully. If it was an enemy and she changed her course, they would shoot. If she continued on her regular route, she might have a fighting chance. Or…

Ziva pulled out her SIG, aiming it at the driver.

"Hey!" a familiar voice sounded. It was Tony. "Wait right there!" He said, pulling into the nearby parking lot. Ziva put away her SIG tentatively as she stood there in front of the Capitol, waiting for him. In a moment he caught up with her. The air was cold, and the sun was just beginning to brighten the sky.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, confused.

"I had to see you," He said. He stared at her for a moment. Her skin was moist with sweat, her hair pulled up into a ponytail. She was dressed in her usual track suit, running shoes laced just so. And yet, she was beautiful.

"I had this dream where all these insane things happened and there was a fire and a sniper and you lost your memory,"

"It sounds like you have lost your mind," She said, shaking her head, amused.

"No, you gotta listen. And in this dream you thought I died and then at the end, I almost did and several times _you_ almost died and… Ziva, I just realized something," He said.

"I do not understand…" She said, shaking her head a little, eyes searching. Before she knew it, his lips had met hers. His hand was behind her neck, pulling her to him. For a fraction of a second, she considered pulling away. The kiss had felt urgent; necessary, yet not fueled by lust or passion, but by something else.

He pulled back after several seconds. "I love you," He said. "I don't know what's going on in your head right now but what I do I know is that if tomorrow I wake up and you're not around, if you're not breathing and fighting with me and kicking my butt every hour, then… I've made the mistake of waiting too long. I don't want to wait any longer. I love you, Ziva," He said. She looked up at him. As crazy as he sounded, he also sounded genuine, sincere. Her heart was beating fast, in no way due to the five miles she had just run. "And in my dream I went into the Marines undercover and I learned about this thing that Gibbs always says and I get it now and--" Ziva stopped him by replying with a kiss. It was gentle, yet so long awaited. Her hands looped around his neck, interlocking as she looked up at him with her chocolate brown eyes. "I want you. I want you here, with me," He said sincerely.

Ziva nodded with a small, certain smile. "I'll be here."

**A/N: Alright, alright. This isn't actually the ending to **_**All We Are**_**. This is a teaser ending I wrote for the fun of it. There will also be an alternate ending that I'll post after I post the real thing. Sorry to get your hopes up/disappoint you. This is nothing like the real ending. I just wanted to have a little fun with you guys. : ) You'll get your real ending soon. Until then, chew on this. Hehe.**


	32. Semper Fi

**A/N: Well, here it is. The end of our story. This was surprisingly the hardest part of the story to write. I knew what I wanted to say. I knew what had to be said. And I knew it had to be incredible, because you guys deserve it, and so do they. With the help of a friend or two (Thank you, gsr4ever and blueparadise for your fabulous input and ideas), I think it's just right. I hope you like it.**

**So here's my suggestion. Head on over to Youtube and search for "All We Are" and listen to it while you read it. I did, and it really adds something to the story.**

**Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It's been an awesome sharing this all with you, getting your input and reviews. I'm so honored to have such amazing readers.**

**I've already started on a new story. Tony-centric, but filled with Tiva-goodness. And angst. Mmmm. It'll be good. I should have the first chapter posted soon. It'll also be based on a song, though I haven't picked one yet. Thinking another one by Matt Nathanson or Switchfoot… Not sure yet. If you have a suggestion, let me know.**

**I'll also post the Q&A soon. You still have time to send in your questions! Get original, it's fun.**

**Don't forget to review! I want to hear allll of your thoughts on this story. Really. Do share. I shared over 30,000 words with you, so feel free to share a couple with me. : )**

**Oh, and I really am sorry about the crappy formatting in the first half of the story. FFN is a break-line hog. : )**

**Alright.**

**I guess that's all.**

**Thanks for everything.**

**Be seeing you soon.**

**Have a fabulous day.**

**Love,**

**Autumn**

A vicious cloud of black smoke immediately filled the sky, already overcast and grey. She pulled herself of the ground tentatively. She started to make her away to the back of the house, her vision blurred by both the smoke and the tears pouring from her eyes, neither of which she noticed.

"Tony!" She cried through the roar of the usual second wave of flames. She could hear nothing other than the scream of the fire only feet away. She could smell traces of C4 and the burning of grass and wood. Glass crushed below her foot. She looked up, seeing the window of the room he was in. All she could see was the red of the flames.

Ziva looked around almost desperately. She had to keep her cool. She had to stand firm on the principles Mossad taught her.

Not more than twenty feet away, a telephone pole crashed to the ground, burning all over. Sparks were flying from the wires, cracking and yelping. In the back of her mind, she thought to pull out her cell phone; to call for help. But inside she knew that there was no way, no possible way that anyone could fix this. Not even Gibbs.

"Tony!" She yelled again. Palmer's words echoed in her mind. _He already avoided death by fire once. The odds this isn't him aren't very good…_ He was right. You can only avoid death so many times before it catches up. And then…

_No_, her gut cried. _You can't give up now. Maybe he made it out_. She glanced back up at the house, totally engulfed in flames. Her words from the past haunted her as she walked around the house. _We are partners. We do not just give up on each other. _All along, she had never believed he was dead. Not really. Not even when she saw the body, burnt as if it had touched the sun. But now? She knew his odds.

There was no way.

But there had to be.

But there wasn't.

She could almost hear the metaphoric soft, sad strum of a guitar in the background which followed her as she came around the side of the house. The air was hot with fire, and the ground uneven and covered with debris and ash. The house creaked as part of the roof caved in.

Today she could not be strong. Not without him. Not again.

Her heart stopped.

There he was, blackened by smoke and ash on the grass.

But he wasn't lying on the ground, he wasn't bleeding out. He just stood there, panting.

"You force me to leave you," She called out over the roar only twenty feet to her right, tears streaming down her cheeks, forgotten. He began to walk towards her, slowly, covered in angry black soot. "You nearly get yourself killed. At the cost of what? Evidence?" He continued to walk towards her, gaining speed as he went. "And what do you expect me to? Applaud you for your stupidity?" She cried as he met her.

But without a word or a hint of hesitation, he pulled her up into his arms, slipping one hand through her hair and the other around her small waist. And in one swift movement, his lips met hers, pouring out every ounce of love and energy left within him to her. He kissed her with a sense of urgency and need, yet it met with a love and passion that reaches beyond all human understanding. And as they kissed, her hands found their way to the back of his neck, and she pulled himself as close to him as she could, not wanting to leave him ever again. Nothing had ever felt so right, so necessary, so cherished.

They finally parted, but left their foreheads touching. Ziva fingered his hair, and he twisted a curl onto his finger.

"I love you too," She whispered. Her voice was barely audible, but he heard it. "How could you make me leave?"

"I was on a pressure plate," He said softly.

She pulled back a little. "You were what?"

"I was standing on a pressure plate. I couldn't let you die too. I knew you would have tried to figure out a way to get me out--"

"Do not flatter yourself, DiNozzo," Ziva said, a sly smile on her face, shining brighter than the reflection of the fire on the tears on her cheeks.

"But I couldn't let you die," He finished, stroking her cheek as he shook his head a little for emphasis.

"You were willing to risk your life to save mine?" She said slowly.

He nodded. "I would have died if it meant you would have lived," He said seriously, looking into her eyes.

"How did you get out?" She asked, her voice low and steady. She studied his eyes carefully. They were genuine. Sincere. Loving.

"I threw the lamp at the window. Broke the glass, then jumped through the window and fell onto the ground. Got a little singed," He said, checking the heels of his shoes. "Do you forgive me?"

"You're not dead," She said simply, tears of happiness trickling down her cheek.

He wiped her cheek with his thumb, smiling as he did. His hand wrapped around her jaw and neck gently. He brought her to him and kissed her once more. It was sweet and soft, the kind that dreams most certainly are made of. He cupped her face in his hands, just happy to be alive, there, with her. She closed her eyes contentedly and placed her hand over his. He lowered his head, kissing her once more, his hand leaving her face and intertwining itself in her hair, her own hands locking themselves around his neck. The kiss was sweet, not long, but enough. "I love you," he said again, his lips brushing against hers.

"You called," She said, her voice cracking ever so slightly as she remembered the time when she had lost her memory. "You called," She repeated, crying just a little. It wasn't like her, but she was far too happy to care. He was alive. He loved her.

"I should have been there," He said, his mind burning with the memories and guilt and regrets of the past.

Ziva shook her head as she put her hand in her pocket, pulling something out. She opened her hand, revealing his old NCIS badge. "You always were," She said. She didn't say it like a golden haired, dreamy eyed actress in a movie, or a Miss America contestant, absentminded and lightheaded. No, her tone was certain, sure of what she was saying. She knew it in her heart. She always had.

He brought her head to his chest and kissed the top of her head as he held onto her tightly. "Semper fi."

_All we are we are_

_All we are we are_

_And every day is a start of something beautiful, beautiful._


	33. Questions and Answers

**Hey you guys! Here's the q&a! I loved getting your questions--there were some really thought provoking ones in here. Love it! Anyway, I don't think I missed any, but if I did, so sorry! And at the end there's a little suprise, so check that out too.**

**--Autumn****When you are writing, which character are you in your head and for what reasons?** That's a really good question! I usually put myself in Ziva's place. This story was more Ziva-centric anyway. But for the why? I guess it's more of a personal thing. I find myself identifying with her because she has been hurt so much and betrayed by people she was close to. That's happened to me so many times, so writing out her feelings is easy. I also put myself in Tony's shoes a lot, since he covers up his emotions and hurt with humor, much like I do. There's a lot more to him than it appears, and I really try to capture that. When I put myself in Ziva's place, I always aim for the idea that she totally loves Tony, but she's been hurt a lot and she's jaded and distrusting. Ultimately, she wants to be with him, but she's scared to get hurt again, especially after Jeanne and how he never called her that summer.

* * *

**How do you come up with the inspiration for your stories like this one?** Usually I'll get a scene or scenario in my head and I'll either write it down for my file for later on or to put in another story, or I'll just start writing. However, some of my stories are inspired by a line or two that I may have thought of while watching a movie or other TV show. My last story, _Here I Lay_, was inspired by a line I came up with after watching an episode of 24, thinking about emotions and how they affect us. This story was created because I just had this dire need to write about my favorite song, _All We Are_, by Matt Nathanson. I wrote the first two sections in chapter 1, then got sidetracked by HIL and when I got stuck on that one, I tried this one again after thinking about the fire scene. I really wanted to see what Ziva would be like if she thought she lost him for real.

**How do you play a story? Do you outline or do you just figure it out as you go? Or is it a mix?** I'll usually start with a simple idea—maybe a scene or conversation or a single line I thought of in the shower (since we're being honest here!). I start with that and get a general idea of what I want to happen, but in general, I just write where the story takes me. I originally ended this story by chapter 15, The End of Love (but of course it ended much differently). But then I realized that their story wasn't done. Tony and Ziva needed more time to figure things out. So I added in Sandy and more drama. Tony and Ziva are pretty complex people, so why should their story be any different?

**My question is, why in the name of all that is good was [All We Are] not on the soundtrack?** The soundtrack was designed songs only in Season 6, unfortunately. I wish it was too!

**When you met the NCIS cast, was Michael Weatherly anything like his character?** Actually, he was! He was very witty and charming and humorous and cracking jokes and telling us stories, much like Tony. The only difference was, he was much more mature. : ) However, unlike Tony, he was very humble. He introduced himself as "Michael", not expecting us to know his name or how amazing he was. He let us hang out with him for quite a while, asking us questions and telling us about all these different things. It was awesome. I'll admit, I was pretty starstruck! But soon, it felt very natural and normal, as if we knew him in real life. Oh, and yes, he is just as hot in real life. I know you were all wondering that. : )

**Do you have them already written, or do you do the whole, "It's planned, I just need to sit here and write it," bit? **Well I like to have quite a bit already written when I post the next chapter. I like having the extra wiggle room to work out any bugs and make it all flow. Because of all the different things that occurred, I had to write and rewrite and then go back and check and rewrite again and add in a conversation her and a scene there. Much like Mike Franks, I don't believe in loose ends. I write my stories in a single document, and at the bottom I keep an idea paragraph—It's messy and simple and every idea is separated by a semi-colon. Used ideas are crossed out with a strike-through and I update it as I go. If I get an idea or some lines or a conversation or a song that inspires me or a scene I want to see happen, I stick it in there. I'll refer to it if I feel stuck or want to know what's next. I learned the hard way—always write down your ideas, even if you don't think you'll use them!

**You said that you were inspired by the song All We Are to write the fanfic All We Are, are you usually inspired by music?** Yes, I am! For every story I have there's usually a song behind it. When I was writing _In the Spring_, I had _Lost_ by Michael Buble in my head the entire time and finally decided to add it in with the story. Not sure if it was my best move, but it worked out I think. I think with _All We Are_, the song really set for the tone for the story. I wanted it to be nostaligic and sweet though soft and sad. I wanted it to be a lot about second chances, and I think choosing having _All We Are_ (the song) as its basis really helped that.

**Are you a boy or a girl?** I'm a girl. : )

**Which NCIS character do you want to be? **Ziva. 1. She is gorgeous. 2. She is a trained assassin—she can protect herself and she kicks butt and she looks so good doing it. 3. She has an amazing man like Tony.

**Did you like Kate when she was on the show? **No, not really. For a long time I couldn't stand her but she grew on me, though I'm still not a big fan. To each his own.

**Do you have any siblings? **I do. I have 2 sisters, 4 and 11. Sometimes we get along… Sometimes we don't. : )

* * *

**So, I hope you all enjoyed _All We Are_. I really loved writing it and it was amazing. I think I got a better handle on the characters and everything and so that made it a lot of fun for me and a real learning experience.**

**Now, as a special treat, here's a sneak peek from my next fic, whose name is yet to be determined. But it will be based on another song. It'll be posted pretty soon, so keep an eye out!**

**As the old saying goes, you never know what you have until it's gone.**

**Tony never intended to learn. He thought he would never have to know. He thought they had all the time in the world. That she would be there forever.**

**How wrong he was.**

**So tonight he stood alone, in the dark of the squadroom. The silence of the building echoed the pain he felt inside, screaming at him to get up, to do something, to stop wallowing and to change the facts.**

**It wasn't supposed to happen this way. She wasn't supposed to die.**

**Now, how's that for a teaser?**


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